Image049.jpg

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

Grandmaster Muniyandi - 1

Vishy Anand won the World Junior Chess Championship and the small Chess community in Chittoor celebrated. They met at the NGO home, next to to the sub-jail, like every evening; the Chess association secretary distributed sweets. It was business as usual after that in the NGO Home. Some men played 'Ring' in the front lawn. The chess club members huddled over Chess boards, under ancient filament lamps with monstrous glass domes. Right beside the huge teakwood table that hosted Chess, people played Carrom board, which had a filament lamp hovering over it... it made the Carrom players look hideous, as the Carrom board reflected light and lit their faces partially. There was no other lighting in the Home's hall. It was always dark, damp, and smelt like an old book.

Muniyandi lit his 240th beedi of the day, adjusted his glass eye, and tried to focus on the chessmen with his good eye. Muniyandi always complained that he could see only half of the Chess board, a ridiculous idea all right but people indulged Muni. Muni also claimed that there were thirty criminal cases on him (including attempt to murder) but the cops would not dare apprehend him. "Othha they know how I lost my eye now, don't they?" Muni would snarl. If any unsuspecting person did inquire about the lost eye, Muni would seize that opportunity to take the inquirer to the tea stall outside the NGO Home, sit him down, and start his unbelievable story. It was all fiction. We knew. But that's what Muni did to get sponsors for his tea, snacks, and smokes. The general concept of his 'how I lost my eye' story hovered around Muni's valor: how he fought 45 (or 150 sometimes) rowdies single handedly, before losing his eye in hand-to-hand combat. There were a few at the Home who believed that Muni's wife must have popped his eye off. It seemed quite plausible, for Muni was an incorrigible drunk and he stole money from his wife when he ran out of cash.

So how did a big-mouth, 4-anna hustler develop a passion for Chess? No one knew. It was one of those flamboyant aberrations of life. Muniyandi, however, claimed he was always in love with the game. He was a good player. His tactics on the board were nothing short of brilliant. But he lacked the much needed strategic perspective to move up and become a rated player. Also, he could not afford Chess books, the best resource for learning the art. Not that it would have made a difference, for he couldn't read or write. There were a couple of 'rated' players in the club: Ravi, the second year B.Sc student from the Arts college, was one of them. Muniyandi revered him.

Muni accompanied Ravi to all tournaments in and around Chittoor. The year before Muniyandi had even participated in a tournament in Penumur. Ravi got the first spot and Muni actually got the third place! For reasons best known to them, the organizers chose to call the third place winner as 'Man of the match'.

Muniyandi collected the prize money, a princely sum of 75 Rupees, slipped out, got drunk, and came back to extract revenge on the organizers that had played a cruel joke by calling him 'Man of the match'. It was his maiden win in a tournament! According to Ravi, Muni pulled a switch knife and waved it at the terrified organizers and said "Nee amma! Man of the match! This is fucking chess, thoo nee amma!"

Only Ravi knew that Muni was harmless. The people of Penumur actually fell for Muni's antics and believed that they were in the presence of a fearless outlaw. Ravi whisked away Muni before the shit hit the fan and jumped on the first bus back to Chittoor.

From then on Muni became the self-proclaimed bodyguard of Ravi. It was irritating for young Ravi but his sense of humor prevailed and he generally did not mind Muni and his antics.
NGO Home's only hope, its rising star was Ravi. He won the district championships, and went on to win the State championship. The modest chess club from Chittoor produced a champion! The Chess club presented Ravi with a cheque of four thousand Rupees. Ravi used up the cash to buy a good Chess clock and books on Chess openings. Muni found a lot of pride in being Ravi's assistant cum bodyguard. All the retired, older men did not quite like it but they didn't want to argue with Muni, understandably so.

Himabindu, a stunningly pretty girl moved to Chittoor from Kurnool. She became Ravi's classmate too, in the Arts College. She was also the state number two in women's chess. Himabindu attracted a lot of attention. She was probably the first girl in Chittoor that wore Jeans to college. If that wasn't revolutionary enough, she wore a t-shirt, which said 'Little Bo Peep did it for insurance.' Not one guy in college understood what that meant but they did stare at the location of that text for prolonged periods, making guttural noises. Himabindu ignored the naughty boys in college that passed comments when she passed by. She refused to accept any love letter from anyone. She broke quite a few hearts. But no one tried to mess with her. Her dad was a high ranking official in the Zilla Parishad. Her uncle was a top cop in Tirupathi. So none of the boys tried getting cute with Bindu.

Amid all this love blossomed. At least in Ravi's heart. To him Bindu was the dream girl. She played chess! Was a champ! Looked like a goddess... he dreamed of discussing chess with her, going on long walks behind the Z.P quarters right behind the college. He also dreamed of Bindu embracing 'Indian' clothes, just like those once-arrogant heroines in Telugu movies that saw the wisdom behind the villager hero's words and ended up wearing Kanchi silk saris even to bed. However there was a small problem. Bindu made no attempt to make friends in college. She was always spotted reading some book or the other, all by herself. When some girls did try to make conversation they were met with a luke-warm response. However, there was hope. He was the state champ and she had to come around. She did.

That year the Chess club at the NGO Home hosted the university chess championships and Ravi swore to himself that he would produce a spectacular performance. Muniyandi never left the table where Ravi played. He was more nervous than Ravi himself. During a game in which Ravi played black, things got tricky. Ravi played the French defense and his opponent launched an all out king-side attack. It looked bleak but Ravi knew that it was only a matter of time before he wrested the initiative. But Muniyandi could not see as far. When Ravi stepped out after finishing his 40th move, Muni ran behind him and very seriously suggested "If it looks like we are losing, I can arrange for a win. I just need to have a word with your opponent." A horrified Ravi explained to Muni that it was not needed.

On the girl's side, Bindu was cruising to the first spot. It was the penultimate round that swung Ravi's fortunes. Ravi sacrificed his queen, the most powerful piece. It may seem spectacular but Ravi knew exactly what he was doing. But the spectators gasped as he played that move and before long, there was a small crowd huddled over Ravi's board. Bindu was there too. As Ravi wrapped up the match in style, the crowd applauded. Bindu shook his hand. As the crowd dispersed that evening and Ravi packed his bags to go home, he spotted her walking towards him. His heart rammed against his ribs and his knees started shaking.
"You were brilliant... It is a privilege, meeting you." She said. She had large, expressive eyes, which were accentuated by Kajal. Ravi wanted to reach out and touch her face but he thought the better of it.
"Oona ulkah hrooo?" he said. He wanted to say "You are a champ too"
She shifted on her feet and raised her eyebrow as if asking 'What the fuck did you say sir?'
Ravi cleared his throat, took a deep breath, coughed and said "Pleased to meet you. It is a privilege to meet you." He found it difficult to not stare at the wonderful contours her t-shirt made. Just when he was about to thank god, Muniyandi appeared on the scene from no where and said "Hello madam, come tomorrow for autographs, sir is tired now." (concluding part in the next installment)

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

Happy New Year Folks!

To all ye folks out there in the civilized world, Spotty, my Owlet buddy and I wish you a happy new year.

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

Chennai Vs Bangalore Debate

I wrote this post as a response to SelAm's post. First things first, I am a Chennai boy that lived in Andhra Pradesh for 20 years. I moved back to Chennai in 1993 and quit the city in 2001. I moved to Bangalore about five years back. I have lived in Pune and Indore. When I say lived, I mean lived there for at least six months.

I visited Bangalore first in 1996. I was deputed to Tata Yellow Pages's Bangalore office. I spent a couple of months there. As I was a salesman, I had to go around the city and thus was well acquainted with the city and its culture in a short time.

I don't know if one is predisposed to be biased about his home town, but I thought Chennai was better than Bangalore back then. There was no logic or rationale to that bias but I believed in it, fought for Chennai, and was quite sure I was right. My facts were rock solid: Chennai had better roads, better public transport... you know?

This is exactly where SelAm went wrong. If one were to go by infrastructure, I'd rate Kuwait better than Chennai or Bangalore. But, the question is, would you live in Kuwait? I won't. My liberty is more important than a pothole in the road. A city is not about roads and amenities. It is mostly about people. And culture. Both cities are rich in that regard. You really can't and should not choose between cultures. Each city has its unique personality and it'd be foolish to pose the question 'which has better culture?'

That said, we are left with this really tricky benchmark called 'Cosmopolitan'. Is Chennai more cosmopolitan? I don't think so. Having lived in Bangalore for close to five years, I can vouch for it: Bangalore is more cosmopolitan.

Take for example, food: the sheer number of cuisines Bangalore offers is a small yet significant testimony to that fact. I know people from Chennai will cry foul and throw a list of eateries in and around Chennai. Hang on people. I am talking accessibility and abundance here. Almost every street, lane corner has a food place in Bangalore. I *know* that is not the case in Chennai. Let's not even talk about variety of cuisines. Chennai is far behind Bangalore.

I think Bangaloreans are a liberal lot. This is my personal opinion but I don't think I can say that about Chennai. I thought of a million examples to illustrate my point but I thought better of it. It is *my* opinion! Bangalore's Cinemas show Tamil and Telugu movies. Chennai's don't show Kannada or too many Telugu movies. You tell me who is cosmopolitan.

There was some talk of who speaks better English on SelAm's post (see the comments). I don't understand the relevance of this point. So I choose not to respond to it.

Personally though, Bangalore makes better coffee than Chennai. Surprised? Walk into any of those 'Darshinis' and drink coffee.

Finally, I have to tell you this. Not because it is important but it reflects the hypocrisy of Chennai, the so called conservative 'Tamil' loving city.
Why the fuck do you need to be formally attired to go to a pub? And, these rules are only for us brown skinned bastards. If a white guy walked in clad in his undies, those ugly bouncers will let them in. Don't believe me? Why don't you try it yourself? 1) Residency Towers and 2) 10 Downing Street on North Boag road.

As far as the 'safe' city point, I don't think any of our cities are safe for women. So don't give me that bull on how Chennai is safer. No city is safe for Indian women in their country.

Don't rush to hate a city. You'll never realize how bad your crib is until you get out of it. And see some real cribs. I love Chennai for different reasons and Bangalore for different reasons. Though I was irritated with Indore, I grew to like it later. Or, my hometown bias has waned because I have lived in multiple towns. Whatever. I urge you to get your ass out and travel. Don't throw stones when you live in a... ok, I won't say it.

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

The Historic Test's Last Day

One of the images that will stay with me for a long time is that of the lady from the cleaning staff of the MAC stadium in Chennai, running up to Sachin Tendular, shaking his hand, and blushing and running back. I was not planning to watch the match in the stadium. One of my friends asked if I would be interested and I said 'Yes'. When we walked into the stadium Dravid was already gone. Gambir and Sachin were at the crease. 'Same old story!' I thought but I was wrong.

Let me assure you that being there with the crowd is a fantastic experience. If you want to understand and experience the Indian Cricket Mania, go watch it in the stadium. I saw old men, with packed lunches, sharing their wisdom with strangers. "Now, he will bring the forward short-leg." the old man told the guy sitting next to him and to my amazement, KP did bring in a short-leg fielder.

The guy sitting behind me has an amplifier in this vocal cords I think. He kept screaming at Sachin. "Thambi! Paathu daa kanna. Rahu kalam will pass at 1 PM. Go for your fifty then!" and "Otha oyeee! Flitooffu, oootukku poi sera maattey!" He was with his sister and two nephews. He was screaming at his nephews "Otha saapda vandheengla match paakka vandhingala? Lavadeykabaal!"

He was actually having a conversation with Sachin. He reminded me of my friend's brother who used to 'put mandhiram' when the opposition was playing. No, he actually believed he got India wickets with his 'spells'.

The TNCA lunch was delicious. It was a typical Iyer lunch. So the veggies had a lot of fun. During lunch I overheard an old man recounting a story from the 80s to his friend. Another TNCA staffer predicted that Sehwag would be the Man-of-the-match. Another was rattling out statistics on all the winning 4th innings chases and a break down on successful chases in the sub-continent.

As I walked back in to my seat, I thought 'Hope Sachin finishes this one unlike that Pakistan match!' A shudder went up my spine. The master did not make that mistake this time. The mad guy behind me was now coaxing Sachin by screaming 'Thambi, come back for tea, don't get out now!' I also found it enchanting that the crowd applauded good fielding efforts by England. I don't think you'll see a better sporting crowd in this country.

To watch VVS hit those sublime drives is sheer joy. I don't think there will be another artistic Indian batsman as VVS: his silken touch, grace, and elegance is beyond human comprehension.

The only regret I have is Dravid's horrific form. I hope this man bounces back fast enough, for it would be a shame to watch one of the greatest batsmen this game has ever seen, walk away in the shadows of obscurity: unsung and hurt.

Just before tea Yuvi hit a massive six off Monty. Somehow, I realized that we were going to win. We still needed 100 plus runs but I knew the result. Indian cricket is in good hands. The guy sitting behind echoed that thought by saying 'Apdeedhaan thambi, Kulla, nee weight machi!'

Amen!

P.S. I did not translate the Tamil in this post. You need a Chennai boy to translate the slang. Sorry!

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

Orissa Govt Does it Again

Orissa cops have taken the term gag order to a new level altogether. A Leftist writer and the editor of Oriya literary magazine Nissan, Lenin Ray was quite literally stopped from speaking to the media by policemen who muzzled him as he was being produced in Bhubaneswar's district court. [via NDTV]

How long will we let BJP get away with murder? What happened in Gujrat is haunting us even today.

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

Security Starts at Home

You must have gone for the candle light vigil in your city. Tweeted or blogged about how India should respond or how courageous our soldiers are. Some of us hurled insults at the government and its 'inaction'. All of the above is needed. But what we need is grassroots responsibility.
If you are a salaried employee, you must, most likely, be working in one of those business complexes that house a number of business houses. I work in one too. After the Mumbai tragedy, the chief of security of the building called for a meeting to all the occupants (business houses) of the building. "Out of 50 only 12 representatives turned up" he laments. Somehow we seem to live in a bubble called 'it can't happen to us!'

Face it. It can happen to you. What are your options given that the security apparatus of your building (and your city) is not sufficient? We blame others all the time, but have you ever wondered 'What can I do?' For starters, attend security meetings in your building. Ask questions. Point out lapses that you noticed. Most often than not the person in charge of Security of your building has to deal with under-staffed teams, lack of equipment, cost-conscious builders, and apathetic tenants like us. What is the one thing you can change in that list? Apathy. Urge your 'I-am-too-cool-for-this-shit' colleague to participate. If you have an emergency response team at your workplace, talk to them, support them, and help them stay motivated. If you don't have an ERT, start one!

Ask the builder questions. Given the economic meltdown, no builder is willing to spend. We have to pressurize them to get them miserly asses to swing into action.

Make a list of Dos and Don'ts and circulate. For example,
1) Report unidentified objects in the vicinity.
2) Always. Repeat. Always wear your ID.
3) Don't let people tail-gate.
4) Report people moving around suspiciously near your work place.
5) Co-operate with Security. Don't act like you are being stopped from launching a spaceship when they run a metal detector check or frisk you. It's your ass, remember?
6) Have a list of important phone numbers at hand, all the time (cops, hospitals, ambulance etc)
7) Take Mock Drills seriously. The next time, it could be for real.

I am sure there's more, but I hope you got the drift.

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

Do the Islamic Terrorists Care for Muslims?

I doubt it. A cursory glance at the deceased list from the recent Mumbai attacks is enough to conclude that these cowards merely want to spread terror. They are not really bothered about Muslims or Hindus. Their motives are political and far removed from a religious cause.
Muslims form approximately 15% of the civilian causalities. See deceased list.
Now tell me, does Islam condone killing of your own brethren? No. I think not. However, the foaming-at-the-mouth fanatics will come up with some screwed up theory that Allah understands collateral damage. The cliche is true: terrorists do not have a religion, for no religion accommodates killing of innocent people.

So if you by any outside chance thought that you were safe because you are a Muslim, perish that thought. They don't care about religion. They don't care about you. And, most importantly, they are not fighting for you.

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati