I think I was in my first PU then; my friends and I’d just finished drinking our ‘crush’ (grated ice mixed with sewage water, sweeteners, and colour additives.) As we entered school, I noticed Anif, the body builder, walk towards Bhaskar. Anif’s eyes were glowing; he swung his arms ferociously as he walked. Even the boys playing cricket stopped and were staring expectantly at Anif and Bhaskar, who had no clue (or he pretended so) until Anif stood face to face. My curiosity got the better of my fear and I edged closer.

‘Why are you talking to my girl?’ Anif said.
‘She’s my cousin, what the fu….’ Bhaskar did not even get to finish what he was saying. And, I saw it in slow motion. Anif’s head arched back only to swing back and bang! Anif’s forehead smashed Bhaskar’s nose. In a blink of an eye, Bhaskar was lying on the ground, his face all bloody. Anif waited for him to get up but Bhaskar looked like he was settling down on the ground so much so that I wanted to say ‘Good night Bhaskar!’
Anif eyes darted around to spot any of Bhaskar’s supporters and he spotted me. A mighty shiver ran down my spine and my left knee started shaking like a Congress government.
‘H-h-hey! Sir, h-how a-are you?’ I bleated. He did not even bother replying.

What Anif did is a ‘Dichhaa’ (pronounced ‘ditch-aa.’ No, not like ‘coming aa?’ ‘Kings aa?’ ‘Yesssaaa?’)

Do not try Dichaa at home. You need professional assistance to learn Dichaa. I have seen young men train hours on end, hitting their foreheads against punching bags. I know guys that break bricks with their foreheads: Dichaa!

But, nothing is as disastrous as a Dichaa gone wrong. For example, Suri, two years my junior, tried a Dichaa on Raju. Now, Suri was all of four feet some inches. In all probability, he is still that. He picked an argument with Raju over the number of balls Raju had bowled. Suri claimed he already had bowled two overs and that it was time to retire from the game. Raju, who detested sarcasm in any form, held Suri’s collar. All of us stopped whatever we were doing and we moved closer and formed a circle around the fighters. No, we didn’t cheer or boo like those American high school kids. Come on! Indian culture da!
We waited for some action but Suri and Raju were locked in a ferocious argument. After what seemed like ages, Raju said something about Suri’s mother. He lost it. Suri should have kicked or punched but he went for the jackpot: Dichaa. It was funny watching a midget jumping up to strike someone with his head. Raju further opened his perennially open mouth and Suri’s head promptly hit the teeth. Suri fainted after he saw all the blood dripping down his head. Never attempt a Dichaa if you are a shorty. Never. Dicha is never bottoms-up. It is always lateral. It is always forehead that hammers the opponent.

Along with Dichi, Guduga, another street fight skill forms what I call the supreme, street fight repertoire. I have seen a couple of guys beating the shit out of a gang of eight using Dichi and Guduga.
What is Guduga? Guduga is normally the follow-through strike (the first strike is always with a Dichha). You hit the guy on his face and as he is crumbling down, finish him off by ramming your knee between his legs. Ramming your knee, my dear reader, is called Guduga.

Now, tell me, if you are a Karate champ and I can do 12 Dichas before you can say ‘I am coming,’ who do you think will win the fight, if we were to fight, god forbid? Think about it.

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