Back in 2003, while waiting for an auto to go to the Koyambedu bus station, my brother blurted out all of a sudden, “They think something is wrong with you… you know? You are 30 and still not married?”
Of course! My brother was being very polite: once an elderly gentleman, on a train, asked me, ‘So are you married?’ I said ‘No.’ He frowned and said, ‘Go to a doctor. You should never let these things prolong.’
There’s another pattern that I have noticed. Suddenly, Venguttu mama and Suresh mama are prowling around, trying to spot unmarried boys and girls. These guys, well over 50 now, have become self-proclaimed matchmakers. They do it for free too! It’s like “So why should we be alone in the misery? Bitch?” It’s sadistic. Until you’re married they just won’t stop hounding you and manipulating you. And you’d think, ‘Once I am married, I will be rid of these jerks!’ Probably. But another set of guys are waiting. Unmarried, unlaid, these rabid bastards make fun of you: the married man.
Some unmarried, guys have started posting status updates ridiculing the institution of marriage. These souls make statements like “If I want sex, I’ll get it. Why get married?” or “Cleaning the house is a bitch. I need to get a wife.” Dear you-know-who-you-are, FINE! But do you know what happens when your friends’ wives read your updates?
“You got married because you couldn’t get laid, you loser?”
“Is that your mom on twitter? Disguised as your friend?”
So stop being all rational and logical and shit. One more time, and I will play T. Rajender songs in my car at full blast and circle your house all night.