{"id":887,"date":"2006-06-21T19:40:00","date_gmt":"2006-06-21T14:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/archives\/887"},"modified":"2006-06-21T19:40:00","modified_gmt":"2006-06-21T14:10:00","slug":"the-perfect-love-letter-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/2006\/06\/the-perfect-love-letter-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Perfect Love Letter – 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

Continued from Part 1<\/a>:<\/span>
The veteran’s sole purpose in life was women. He used to boast that he ‘maintained’ four girl friends simultaneously. Don’t ask me what that means, I am still figuring it out myself. He carried about dozen letters on him and as and when a girl captured his fancy he would walk up to her, ask her name, pull a letter out, fill the blank next to ‘dear —-‘, and give her the letter. Anyway, while hanging out at Ravi’s (he is no more.), next to VijayaMahal Talkies (it is also no more.), the veteran bummed a smoke from me and we got into a conversation. ‘So, how’s your girl?’ he asked me, as he let the smoke drift through his bunny teeth. I was surprised and elated too. Not too many in my gang had any girl friends, I don’t think they do even now. We were such losers when it came to women, it is not even funny. ‘I don’t have a girl, what are you talking about?’ I answered. He flicked the ash off his smoke, seriously admired the ants that were busy running around on the ground, and whispered, ‘You want her to be your girl, no?’
I couldn’t confide into anyone in my gang. They hated women. ‘Why do you need women when you have VCRs and god-given hands?’ was the guiding principle of the gang you see. They thought a girl friend clipped your wings and exhausted your emotional, intellectual bandwidth. So, I was only happy to talk to the veteran. At least he admitted his unremitting, unwavering love for women. I clarified to him however that he should not confuse what I feel for her with what he generally felt for women. ‘Mine is pure love and yours is lust.’ I told him. He laughed and said, ‘what’s the ****ing difference?’ I had no answer for it so I borrowed a line from Ramesh, the god of love for Greamspet, Chittoor, ‘the consummation of love is sacrifice and that of lust is guilt.’ The veteran laughed and said, ‘you’ll die a virgin, I am sure.’ My heart shuddered at that thought and I sent a little prayer immediately, to avoid such a catastrophe.
Anyway, I explained my problems to him; how my height, weight, lack of facial hair, lack of bicycle, money… you get the drift? Yeah, I asked how could I manage a breakthrough and occupy her heart. ‘Write a love letter with blood.’ He said. For a moment, I was dumbstruck. That was pure genius. He also added, ‘write it with ink first and rewrite on top with blood. She anyway calls you her friend… not brother or something, so I believe you have a chance.’
‘Where do I cut myself? How much blood do I need for four pages?’ I rattled. He said, ‘why do you want to cut yourself? Find a frog or a garden lizard or something. Are you ****ing crazy?’<\/p>\n

The next morning I started drafting my letter. I had bunked school under the pretext of fever and as soon as my dad left for work and mom settled down with her Kumudham, I started writing. I am not going to humour you with the contents of the letter but let me outline it for you. It sent a very practical yet moving message. It used lines from the ELS Volume 1 collection (especially from ‘go ahead and rain’, ‘up where we belong’, ‘I’d love you to want me’) and it had translated lines from QSQT songs. After I drafted the letter I also changed my hairstyle. Suri had suggested it because he thought that the more I look and talk like Aamir Khan, the better my chances are (sorry Aamir). I hid the letter in my Chemistry ‘Notes’ notebook and went to work on my hair. I was pleased with the way my hair parted in the middle, just like Aamir’s. Only, my mom asked me ‘since when did you become a fan of Karunanidhi.’ I ignored her comment, for she is old school you see. I stepped out into Edward’s farm looking for big garden lizards. I hated frogs. I could find only juvenile garden lizards that were too thin. I wanted an adult fothamucker. I found one lazing on a boulder but he was too quick for me. I took a coconut leaf and made a noose out of it. Even that didn’t help. After spending roughly two hours, I decided that I’d rather cut myself than chase them stupid lizards. In between it occurred to me that I only needed blood and I almost made up my mind to cut Suren, my kid bro, up with a Panama blade. But then my dad would have cut me and fed me to the same lizards in Edward’s farm. So I chucked the cut-suren’s-a$$ idea. That’s when one of her friends bumped into me near the gate of my home. We generally did small talk before she told me ‘she is very upset, did you hear?’ I went ‘Why, why, why, why? She said, ‘Yeah, this guy gave her a love letter?’ I went limp and asked ‘And?’ She said, ‘it is not so much about the letter you know, but this moron actually wrote it with his blood!’ I asker her ‘you mean rewrite with blood on something already written with ink?’ She said ‘nope. pure blood. And she thinks all those boys that do nonsense like this should be ashamed of themselves, you know what right do they have….’ Her voice trailed off and I walked into my home like a Zombie. […TO BE CONTINUED]<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\n\n<\/map>\n

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Continued from Part 1:The veteran’s sole purpose in life was women. He used to boast that he ‘maintained’ four girl friends simultaneously. Don’t ask me what that means, I am still figuring it out myself. He carried about dozen letters on him and as and when a girl captured his fancy he would walk up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[57],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-887","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stories"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false,"thumbnail":false,"medium":false,"medium_large":false,"large":false,"1536x1536":false,"2048x2048":false,"jetpack-portfolio-admin-thumb":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Suman Kumar","author_link":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/author\/suman-kumar\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Continued from Part 1:The veteran’s sole purpose in life was women. He used to boast that he ‘maintained’ four girl friends simultaneously. Don’t ask me what that means, I am still figuring it out myself. He carried about dozen letters on him and as and when a girl captured his fancy he would walk up…","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Gbk8-ej","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":886,"url":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/2006\/06\/the-perfect-love-letter-1\/","url_meta":{"origin":887,"position":0},"title":"The Perfect Love Letter – 1","author":"Suman Kumar","date":"June 21, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Before the advent of e-mail or the SMS, we boys used to write love letters on paper (sometimes scented paper or those with the romantic watermarks). I couldn't construct a coherent sentence in that girl's presence; my knees never stopped shaking when I was talking to my first crush. She\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "stories"","block_context":{"text":"stories","link":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/category\/stories\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":395,"url":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/2002\/07\/395\/","url_meta":{"origin":887,"position":1},"title":"How long has it been?\u2026","author":"Suman Kumar","date":"July 12, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"How long has it been? My long lost friend!I don't know about you, but I am guilty of not keeping in touch with so many of my childhood friends. One of them is getting married shortly. Why do we do this? I think it is partially due to the fact\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":920,"url":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/2006\/09\/the-perfect-love-letter-concluding-part\/","url_meta":{"origin":887,"position":2},"title":"The Perfect Love Letter – Concluding Part","author":"Suman Kumar","date":"September 24, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"This is a long ass post. Don't complain later that I didn't warn you.Continued from Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4I don\u2019t know how I got back home after my weird encounter with Bhel Pathan. I felt a lot better after drinking my mother\u2019s filter coffee and smoking a couple of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "chittoor"","block_context":{"text":"chittoor","link":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/category\/chittoor\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":919,"url":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/2006\/09\/the-perfect-love-letter-4\/","url_meta":{"origin":887,"position":3},"title":"The Perfect Love Letter – 4","author":"Suman Kumar","date":"September 22, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Apologies for the delay in bringing the concluding parts of this story to you. If you haven't read the earlier parts, please do so before you proceed further. I don't think it matters but I'll anyway warn you: this is a long ass post.Continued from Part 1Part 2Part 3It was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "chittoor"","block_context":{"text":"chittoor","link":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/category\/chittoor\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":890,"url":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/2006\/07\/the-perfect-love-letter-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":887,"position":4},"title":"The Perfect Love Letter 3","author":"Suman Kumar","date":"July 9, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Story continued fromPart 1Part 2All my plans and efforts went up in smoke. It was a heart-wrenching passage in my life. I roamed about in the wilderness of my forlorn life. I even missed the first day first show of the latest Chiranjeevi release. I let down my hero! Minutes,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "stories"","block_context":{"text":"stories","link":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/category\/stories\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":418,"url":"https:\/\/sumankumar.com\/blog\/2002\/09\/418\/","url_meta":{"origin":887,"position":5},"title":"I have a niece. Finally.\u2026","author":"Suman Kumar","date":"September 14, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"I have a niece. Finally. I was online this morning and one of my friends buzzed me. He said \"Your sis-in-law gave birth to a baby girl\" I was hoping it'd be a girl. And my prayers were answered. Now, I gotta go start planning my own baby girl. 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