A Corny One-liner

I overheard it today. It goes something like this:
"Do you have stars on your panties? That ass is outa this world" Source: Dominic Franks of BMC Bangalore. He is as weird as they come.
Never mind!
Disclaimer:That's not my line, and I don't subscribe to the views expressed in it. I am a nice guy. And I believe in down-to-earth asses.

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WHERE DID THE TERM "COPS" COME FROM?

When the first police force began to patrol NewYork in the summer of 1845, they wore only badges on their civilian clothing. The badges were 8 pointed stars with the seal of the City at the center and were made of stamped copper. The newspapers of the time referred to the new force as the "Star Police" but people seeing the shiny copper shields began to call the new force "Coppers" which was later shortened to "Cops." http://www.nycpolicemuseum.org/html/faq.html#begin For more info.

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The Arctic Blast in America

A phone call at 7:20 a.m. woke me up. I manage a groggy, heavy 'hello?', and someone's saying 'Suman look out of the window!'. My mind raced. I was late, so the car pool guys had been waiting down stairs, and after repeated attempts of knocking on my door, they resorted to a phone call. Not quite. I slammed the phone down and opened the blinds, it was snowing! Columbia SC had seen snow last year and people were not hoping any snow this year. But the arctic blast that hit us. coming from the north changed it all. As I am writing this I could see snow coming down in swirls, powered by the wind. The temperature at 9:10 a.m. is minus three degree celsius. And I am from Chennai, India. So I feel like a whore in the church, all right. Check out the storm warning below!
Weather.com says:
Severe Weather Alert from the National Weather Service

...CALHOUN SC-CHESTERFIELD SC-CLARENDON SC-FAIRFIELD SC-KERSHAW SC- LANCASTER SC-LEE SC-LEXINGTON SC-NEWBERRY SC-RICHLAND SC-SALUDA SC- SUMTER SC- INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...BISHOPVILLE...CAMDEN...COLUMBIA... LANCASTER...LEXINGTON...MANNING...NEWBERRY AND SUMTER 824 AM EST THU JAN 23 2003
...FROM THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE...WINTER STORM WARNING FOR THIS MORNING AND EARLY THIS AFTERNOON...

SNOWFALL WILL TOTAL 4 TO 6 INCHES IN THE AREA ALONG AND NORTH OF A LINE EXTENDING THROUGH NEWBERRY...WINNSBORO...AND BISHOPVILLE. SNOWFALL WILL TOTAL 2 TO 4 INCHES IN THE AREA EXTENDING THROUGH SALUDA... COLUMBIA...SUMTER...AND MANNING.

ANY TRAVEL IS STRONGLY DISCOURAGED. IF YOU LEAVE THE SAFETY OF BEING INDOORS...YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR LIFE AT RISK.

CONDITIONS CAN DETERIORATE RAPIDLY IN WINTER WEATHER SITUATIONS... SLOW DOWN AND ALLOW EXTRA TIME WHEN TRAVELLING. PRACTICE YOUR WINTER SAFETY RULES...KEEP AN EXTRA FLASHLIGHT...FOOD...AND WATER IN YOUR CAR IN CASE OF EMERGENCY.

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Actual comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event:
"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
"This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Grand Prix Race Announcer:
"The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."

4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer:
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

5. Ringside Boxing Analyst:
"Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them were really that serious."

6. Baseball announcer:
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

7. Basketball analyst:
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988:
"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."

9. Metro Radio, College Football:
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

10. US Open TV Commentator:
"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"

[Through "Madman's" mail]

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The boys' night out

For the first time after I came to America, we had a stag party. I started it all. I don't even know why I did it. Out of some crazy impulse I sent off a mail to all the office guys in crowne lake apartments and windsor lake (Columbia, SC), calling them for a get together in my apartment on Saturday. I had told them I'd take care of dinner, and that they had to bring in their own booze. I had a few enthusiastic responses. And the headcount was pointing to 10-12 people. Why did I do it? Well, I am gonna be leaving America in mid-february. I didn't want to be in such a state where you can't recall anything special, because everyday was the same, the grind and all. The guys liked the idea; no one likes to cook on weekends. I love cooking. And a get together was long overdue. So on d-day I got up at 1300 hours thanks to some heavyduty rum-drinking overnight. I lazed, watched tv, made lunch and by the time I got the CDs from amazon from the mail box it was 1800 hours. I realised I didn't have potatoes. So I call one of my colleagues and he agreed to bring them over. By 20:00 hours I had half the crowd and a couple of us were cooking. I was handling rice, sambar, sabji for roti, and baking the rotis. While another friend was making the dough. A few beers and after a few noisy card games I stepped out into the balcony. It was freezing, some where around -1 I guess. And I asked myself again, 'why are you doing it?' Not that all of them are thick friends; infact none are! But why this community building ambition? I think I was bored to death here. So much so that anything different would bring welcome relief. But when the guys said 'lovely sabji man! food is great!' I was gushing inside. I think I am like this Monica babe in the TV show friends; a compulsive 'host' that goes out of the way to please its immediate society. Man I am weird. Is this attention seeking? I mean why the hell would you wanna please a bunch of people? Well, it is confusing. I am actually a 'nice' guy, in the sense, I normally go out of my way to help people; strangers and friends alike. Anyways, we had a good time. So after a few more card games after the dinner, they wanted to go get some cake from walmart. We went. And they bought me a book for being such a nice host. That was sweet of them. I enjoyed the drive back home; through a side-road, thorugh tall trees, and the winding road gleaming in the moonshine. It was beautiful. There were quite a few houses where the lights were still on. Parties? Or just husband and wife sipping wine and watching TV? I don't know but it was dripping-wet melancholy. The bright lights putting up a brave front in the bone-freezing cold, a foggy-aura around the lights made it look so romantic, you know it was like the matt finish, dull yet glazy; subtle yet strong. The car cut through the silent night, negotiating the seemingly treacherous bends, conquering the overwhelming up-gradients. Everyone in the car was silent. We reached this friend's place in windsor lake (next to crowne lake which is my place). We had cake there. The black forrest melting in my mouth was titillating. There was talk about how we should do it everyweek, this get-together thing that is. Well, I don't know if I would do it again, but I'll tell you what, I am one helluva cook. My girl friend is beaming, yea baby, I can see and I know. I know. I got it. I think it is my passion for cooking. Nothing else. :) Phew! And I had to blog this now at 2:00 am! I simply had to.

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first and second dot com: Insufferable

What can I say? I went to the site after I read Madman's mail on the TWIN list. I clicked on '1000 greatest books ever' and I was lead to a page that showcased the latest Indian fiction. Latest as in, in the past few years. I was scandalised when i found Raj kamal Jha's Blue bed spread. Oh well, probably it was 1000 worst books ever. Mistakes do happen. What is this self-congratulatory outrage? And I realised that on the top of the page they had provided links to the 'real' 1000 greatest books ever. But why the ### would you display Raj kamal Jha in a page that is a target to the link 1000 great books? Beats me. Trust me when I say it. Jha's blue bed spread is horrible. Incoherent.If you wont believe me. Buy and read it for yourself. To say the least. Some real literary brain is at work in first and second. And for god'ssake wont they ever learn? The hand doesn't appear on important links like 'add to cart'. Also, I was saddened by the fact that under the greatest Indian books, Seth's Suitable boy sat on top. Malgudi days sat somewhere below, BELOW Raj kamal jha! It is high time I wrote a real great book. Watch it buddy. I am gonna shock the hell out of you. What Indian fiction needs is a honest-to-reader entertaining STORY. Definitely not House of blue mangoes or blue bed spreads or crimson panties. Look at it man, they write about 'women' and their troubles, and somehow it is always about urban women, wonder why. Or someone sitting in the ####ing bronx would write about her step-grand father's exploits in freaking Calcutta. And win a booker for it too. Yea yea, I know. I am raving because they are there. Up there without even half-the-effort. The days are numbered for the saga-tripping hypocrites. What we need is real story tellers. Honest story tellers if you will. But then again, what would you do with an industry where the CEO of Penguin writes and publishes his own book? I am talking about House of blue mangoes. It is better than rum man. I went to sleep, 10 minutes into that damn book. What next? Some one writing about the values of middle-ages Kerala and call it a ####ing novel? I am disgusted man. [Update: Didn't like the last two lines of the original post. Deleted it.]

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NewYork

Our hotel (daysinn) was close to the Newark international airport, New Jersey (NJ). We checked in somewhere around nine in the evening. Next morning we headed for the statue of liberty. Let me pause here to tell you something about New York. It is a big mean city, I mean the biggest there is. So getting around was gonna be a big headache. Or so I thought.
We had to take the �mono rail� or the �air train� (it goes on a flyover brother) from the airport station to the rail-link station in NJ. From NJ we had to go to NY penn station. It appeared as a truly daunting endeavor. It was not to be. My apprehensions were quelled by the magic of the metro. Yet again. Coming back to the mono-rail; it is a marvel. It is unmanned and it serves as a link shuttle between the airport and rail link station. If Atlanta amazed me, mono rail had my jaw open through the journey. Hey come on, I could have acted like �mono rail? Yea man it is nothing, it is computer driven�� You know? And act as if nothing can amaze me because I am the cool dude. But hey, as Albert said �you can live life two ways. One: as if nothing is a miracle. Two: As if everything is a miracle.� I chose the latter. Thanks Albert! [Albert is Albert Einstein].
Metro Travel: NY
Now as my jaw was coming back to its normal position, we reached the NY penn. It took us some 20 minutes to make it from NJ airport station. And we had to find a train to go to the liberty statue. After much apprehension I stopped a cop and asked him to guide us and he gave us the directions. So, do not hesitate to ask a policeman for directions. They are there to help you and they will not ask you unnecessary questions or your passport. It is a myth. But please carry your passport just in case; it acts as your identification. And I had to show it to use my card a coupla times.
The NY Penn station was swarming with people. Holiday crowd I guess. We had to buy this metro pass that allows you to use the metro rail all day, anywhere to anywhere, any number of times. All this for $4. Don't go stand in the queue; you can buy this card from the newspaper stalls too.
The rail took us to the liberty statue station.

Destintation:Liberty Statue

"Located in New York Harbor, the Statue of Liberty was a gift of international friendship from the people of France to the people of the United States and is one of the most universal symbols of political freedom and democracy. The Statue of Liberty was dedicated on October 28, 1886 and was designated a National Monument on October 15, 1924. The Statue was extensively restored in time for her spectacular centennial on July 4, 1986.
Only the grounds of Liberty Island are open for visitation. The Monument, museum, crown, and all outdoor observation decks are closed indefinitely to visitation for security reasons."

We emerged out of the station and headed for the ferry infront of the clinton castle (you have to get your ferry tickets from here; $10 for a round trip). If you're visiting during winter make sure you are clad in winter clothes and mind you, gloves are essential. I couldn't keep my hands out without gloves. You get nice gloves for $8 at Walmart. The statue is a high-security area and you have to wait in a long queue for about an hour to get on the ferry. You have to undergo security checks before that. Do not carry pocket knives or any such objects. The cops'd not fancy it.
While I was waiting in the queue something fascinating happened.
performers@Liberty Statue
There are quite a few people who make a living out of entertaining the people in the crowd; well it's become some kinda tradition I guess. First to entertain was a guitar player. He was strumming away and singing some holiday songs and once in a while he'd strike up a conversation with someone and sing a song on them!
"Hey beautiful, what's your name?" he asked a lady in the queue. "Susan." She replied. "Looking for a good husband susan?" He went. She blushed and told him her husband was standing right infront of her. And our guitar man did an impromptu song on susan. And then came 'Sugar Daddy', the best performer of them all. He is an acrobat I think, a short, well built man without a shirt (did I tell you the wind made it cold like hell?), he had the entire queue responding to him, applauding him before and after a performance... he jumped over some 5 people he had selected from the audience. He walked on his hands and climbed a flight of stairs. All this in the open! And then he came asking for money, well, it is not mandatory, but I gave him a dollar. I think in America you needn't be a software guy to make money :wink: We were approaching the security check tents when my attention was drawn to this old man playing fiddle. The minute he saw some Indians, he started playing 'jana gana mana'! Now, how does the American national anthem go any of you recollect? I think it is 'God bless america' but I dont know the tune. The security check was done and I was on the boat.
The Statue Island
In a few minutes the ferry left for the island. And couple of minutes later the lady liberty came into view. It was breathtaking; the sea gulls shrieking across the gray sky and the statue stood tall, telling the world, that this was the land where the spirit of independence was considered more than one's life; this was the land that threw its arms open to all the people of the world: Irish, Italian, German, Chinese, south-american, and if you will, Indian (the migration took place in the 20th century and is still continuing). We got on the island and I was lost in the beauty of the statue. It was awfully cold, with the windchill, bone-munching cold! but it didn't deter me from taking a walk around. Somehow I liked looking at lady liberty from a distance. She seemed to be more graceful, and peaceful from a distance. I walked into the gift store... and I had it on my mind to buy something there as a token of my visit. But can you believe it, I forgot. I will regret it for the rest of my life. So you don't make the same mistake. You get good gifts like a statuette or a t-shirt but the prices are higher, but what the heck it is worth it.

Times Square

The next stop was the times square. The world famous street that hosts the world famous new year party. Well, it was grand. The neon lights and shops and the people... took a walk down the times square and told myself 'you're walking on the world's most famous road.' FYI: Times square is a road and not a square or something. Like I thought :D and Madison square garden has no garden too!
Jakson Heights
We headed to the hotel after times square. Next day I went to Jakson heights with Rajaram. He wanted to shop. The place was a complete incongruity. With litter strewn all over and pan stains and what not. Yea, I think it is the Indian-paki-bangladeshi settlement. My sincere advice. DO NOT SHOP there. They are disrespectful. They cheat you. And the shopkeeper at the electronics shop-and indian- said 'you want to pay with a card? that'd be 10% extra. There's an ATM round the corner why dont you get cash?' That sounded familiar to me. You know?
Epilogue
I was hoping that it would snow. I had never seen snow in my life. But it looked like it wont. I was sad as we were leaving New york, that I couldn't stay for x-mas. Santa heard it i guess and he sent some snow along. Later, I was thrilled to find DC (we stopped over) carpeted in snow. Oaklahoma snowed after 2 decades! The weather man on TV was gushing about how America was having a 'white' x-mas. We checked in to the hotel in DC as we were staying the night and leaving next morning to Columbia. As I slid into sleep a voice in my head kept saying 'today is an important day in your life and you'll see the world in a different light when you wake up tomorrow.' And I did.

I'll add the pics later. Happy new year people! :) And please add your thoughts through the comments. I'd be grateful. Peace. --Suman

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