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    10/30/2004

     

    Bride and Prejudice: A review

    My wife and I went for the late-evening show at Rex in Bangalore. We walked out after the first half. The movie is an insult to the original classic by Jane Austen. The music irritates you. Aish is insufferable with her fakeness and the acquired accent. Since when did Amritsar girls started speaking in a UK accent?
    Gurinder Chadha tries in vain to appeal to Bollywood and Hollywood. Ms.Chadha take my advice. It will never work. Bollywood expects the audience to leave their brains at home. I am amazed. How could someone that gave us a Bend it like Beckham could goof up so bad!
    Advice to all directors: Do not hire Anu Malik. Oh please!
    Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com
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    10/23/2004

     

    Flavors: Playing at a cinema near you!

    Flavors, the movie directed by my good friend Krishna.D.K is playing at a cinema near you. Check it out, it had won rave reviews from film festivals, and press world wide.
    Hilarious, engaging, smartly avoiding melodrama and silly comedy. It is perhaps the most ambitious and colorful film in the independent film movement.
    If you have been disillusioned with the films being churned out by first-time filmmakers, FLAVORS might make you change your mind.
    ? Arthur Pais, Rediff.com

    Flavors: A movie by Krishna D.K and Raj.N(Image courtesy: DK's newsletters)
    Check your local movie listing. Playing now at all true cosmopolitan cities in India. Ha ha! Couldn't help passing the remark man.
    Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com
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    Blog on the Wall: Desktop Aggregator - Very Cool!

    Tenmiles launched Blog on the wall (BoW). B0W allows you to enter your fav RSS feeds directly to your desktop, converting your otherwise boring desktop into a single-stop source for all your info needs. Download it and give it a spin here: http://forums.tenmiles.com/viewtopic.php?t=23
    An expandable/collapsable tree view of all my feeds would be very cool. Shalin, are you listening?
    Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com
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    The Hindu features Madman the businessman

    Folks Madhu 'Madman' Menon is is featured in an article on career-switching in The Hindu..
    When the great exodus to the IT industry started, just about everyone dropped what they were doing and flung themselves into the gold rush; some wanted to move to the USA, some wanted to make money, and some wanted both. From the early 90s to now, things have changed. Last year not many engineering entrants were interested in taking up IT as a branch of study. The honeymoon, sadly, is over. But amid this mileu a few individuals had the courage, initiative, and the brains to break into entrepreneurship. Madhu 'Madman' Menon is one of them. I am not surprised that The Hindu featured him in this article:
    The Hindu Business Line : Doing business with relish

    There's a lesson in it for each one of us. IT is not the only pasture. If only you applied your brains, you could hit upon a great idea. India needs entrepreneurs.

    Madhu, make that two. ;-)
    Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com
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    10/21/2004

     

    New IE Bugs Open Up XP SP2 To Attack

    Via InformationWeek...
    InformationWeek > Microsoft Security > New IE Bugs Open Up XP SP2 To Attack > October 20, 2004: "Two new vulnerabilities in Internet Explorer 6.0 were unveiled by a security firm Wednesday that hackers could exploit to bypass security features even in Microsoft's most secure OS, Windows XP SP2.

    According to Danish security company Secunia, the 'highly critical' vulnerabilities stem from a flaw in IE's drag-and-drop feature and in the browser's security zone. Hackers could exploit these bugs by enticing users to malicious Web sites, where specially crafted files--including image and help files--could compromise the PC, leaving it open to attack or hijack."


    Grunt! Sigh! Migrate to Firefox people. And fast.
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    10/19/2004

     

    Tamil Slang - Native to Chennai

    Dubukku has done a great job of documenting the slang. Conservative Tamils scoff at people using the Chennai slang; but I think it is beautiful in its own right. The slang supposedly originates from the slums of Chennai and I salute the slums for giving us what could possibly be the best gift any land can ask for: ouor own tongue. Amikki podu. Check it out:
    Tamil Slangs: "Tamil slangs explained for Tamils and non Tamils. This may also include any common english slangs in tamil context. Submit any slangs that you may want to add in the comments section. Will be updated weekly."
    Unwittingly or wittingly Dubukku had left some crucial terms out, and I am doing my bit to add to the dictionary.
    Otha: F**K - used as an adjective, and most times as punctuation.

    Nakkal: Sarcasm

    Takkar/Mabbu/Tighttu:State of intoxication (Inna maamey takkaraa nee?

    Usaar: N: smart, alert V: beware

    Naattu Kattai: Country girl - one that's well endowed.

    Nool udradhu: To flirt

    Matter:Could mean many things, but used mostly when referring to porn or doing 'it'.
    Bulb: Anti-climax, back-firing

    Ninety:Refers to the measure (90ml) of an alcoholic drink (not beer thank you).

    Sarakku:Booze.


    If you want to add more to the list, please do so by commenting here. ;-) Dubuks thanks machi. Ketta vaartha use pannitennu thappa nenakkadhey. Objectivaaa rosanai panni paar. Kanakku seriya varum.

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    Veerappan Shot Dead by STF

    Forest brigand Veerappan was shot dead by the STF team lead by ADGP VIjaykumar.
    Related stories on Google News
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    Thackeray's abusive rant against Rajdeep

    Only Thackeray can get away with this. Check it out.
    Thackeray's abusive rant against Rajdeep
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    10/18/2004

     

    Irresponsible Advertising

    Pepsi ad depicts child labor? (via rediff): "PepsiCo India has said that its controversial advertisement allegedly depicting child labour has been off-air since the third week of September.
    On Friday, Uma Mamidupudi, a child labour activist from Hyderabad, had filed a public interest litigation against Pepsi in a city court for glorifying child labour. "


    Mtv's 'Mtv Housefull' commercial shows a disabled boy hurrying to a movie and not getting tickets. It is all shown in a vein of humor (?). I think Mtv should remove the Housefull commercial too (if it is still on air). You can not make fun of disabled people. No.

    Don't the writers at the ad agencies and these Hindi music channels (Mtv and Channel V) think before writing something so insensitive? Sometime back, we had a kid die after trying to bungee jump, after watching a cola commercial. We have precedents. And yet these guys don't relent. It only shows how callous, insensitive, and lame most of our ad makers are.

    Take advertising of IT training institutes. I wonder if the copywriters ever bother to research a bit. Today's Hindu (Bangalore edition) carried a front page solus (carries a 100% premium)ad of an IT training company. The copy reads something like "Work on Enterprise Computing projects rather than PC Computing projects." What nonsense? So, in Enterprise computing you don't use PCs? Or Can't one create an enterprise software product using a PC that's not even connected to the Internet? Why do these writers choose to be insufferable? Ok, I have been there and I know it is not easy. Budgets are low. Client is not ready to pay for the creative, and so on. But hey, good work is credibility man. And it is a goddamn FP Solus! I'd give my right arm to write for a FP Solus. And today you can learn about anything under the sun using the Internet. I wonder how many copywriters (especially from small/medium agencies) do it. If you are a copywriter working for a small agency and you want to make it big, follow my advice: Use the net. If you are asked to write a brochure for industrial pumps or enterprise computing or Cryogenic engines... think no further. Google the damn thing.
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    10/12/2004

     

    Yellow Pages Blues: In the field

    You could sit in a conference room and talk for years to a bunch of people; train them like mad, get them to understand the quirky business of being a salesperson. But, none of it would equal a day in the field; meeting real customers, being asked to get out, and all that. TPYP had a tradition of sending greenhorns to the field along with an experienced salesperson for two days. The greenhorn is supposed to watch and learn as the experienced salesperson, the mentor, interacted with customers. But no one wants to carry a greenhorn around. So, the mentor would take you for two customer calls, take you to a roadside teashop, and ask you to go home and rendezvous in the evening in a predetermined location. And, the mentor would leave you and go home to sleep, leaving you clueless and jittery. I don�t remember who took me on my field trip, but he did not bunk work that day. He made call after call with a vengeance. He spoke to me about making a call, closing, asking for the check etc. So, after two days of field training, I was all set to take on the field on my own. I was given pin codes 10, 29, 30 and 31 to cover (Kilpauk, Aminjikarai, Shenoy Nagar, and Chetput). I was told that I had to generate sales only from these areas; and that if I booked ads from other areas, it would amount to �poaching�, which was punishable by death.
    CS, my territory manager (TM) gave me a DMR (Direct Mailer Response). �Go, get an NB1 (1cm classified box ad) from him.� He said. �Wow! That is so simple!�, I thought, tucked the DMR in my kit-a sexy leather bag-and ran down the steps, all six floors of the Kannamai building, and stood gasping in front of my bike (KB-100, courtesy my brother Sriram). I lit a smoke and let the smoke scream through my nostrils. I watched all the guys leave for the field. I was not sure if this was going to work. All my dreams of becoming a copywriter were on the back-burner. I had no clue how I would fare as a salesman. All right, I had some part time sales experience, but this was different. Selling a concept like ad space was right at the top of the tough jobs list. Someone told me that a salesman�s job is the second toughest; the first was that of the fighter pilot. I did a big favor to Indian advertising by not cracking a copywriter�s job; I was horrible with my grammar (still am I guess) and my pronunciation was the butt of too many jokes. I mixed up my Vs and Ws, and firmly believed that pronouncing �have� as �Haaff� was very American.
    I had twenty bucks on me, enough in 1995, to see you through the day. I kicked my KB-100 to life, and rolled into what I believed was murky waters. I did not even have a driver�s license, nor did I have any registration papers for the bike. I was sure that the traffic cops would arrest me, hang me upside down in a dingy, dark cell, and beat the shit out of me with lathis and those heavy leather belts.

    I walked into my first client�s office with the confidence of an earthworm in a birdcage. The client was a printer, on Medavakkam Tank road. His office was tucked away in a small lane that was within a maze of lanes; I spent half an hour hovering around his office before I realized it was right there. I hesitated at the door. Deep inside, I reconnected with god, as we always do when we are uncertain and scared, and asked god to be nice to me. So I walk up to this gentleman sitting behind a desk and sifting through a pile of papers. He tilted his head up, revealing his huge forehead. His small eyes burnt a hole through me. �Yes?� he said, stretching the word as far as he could.
    �I um am coming from Tata�� I started.
    �Not interested.� He waved me away with his pen. I stood there rooted to the ground, not sure, if I had heard the right thing. My mind raced like a dog chasing its tail.
    �I�d appreciate if you could spare a few minutes of your valuable�� I restarted.
    �Saar, don�t you understand English? Not interested means not interested.�
    I wanted to cry and scream �unfair�. I bit my lip. This guy sent a mailer to us ticking the �I want to advertise� check-box and now he does not even give me an audience. I was not cold calling on him. I was here because he responded to that god damned DMR. He looked up again, shrugged, and dove back into his papers. There I was, wannabe-copywriter, dude-with-the-attitude, outgoing, go-getter; crumbling to pieces at my very first sales call. I was a bloody chicken. I should have taken a crack at the banking clerk exams or the Railway Recruitment Board exams. I decided there to quit my job. I wanted to go home straight. I would never return to TDL. But, I could not handle the misery of this failure. One more shot, let us try something different, I told myself and moved close to his desk.
    I placed the mailer-response card on his desk and very humbly asked him, �Sir, did you send this?� He was startled I guess. He picked up the card and held it at a distance like it was a snake, and peered at it, locking his thick eyebrows into an almighty frown. �Yes, I did� but I don�t know what the mailer meant. I mean I thought it was something free.� He said. I looked at him for a moment evaluating the situation, and said, �It is free. You need to fill up a form. It�ll only take a couple of minutes.� Not all information in a directory is paid for; and a directory is only good if it is comprehensive. So, it was normal practice to include all unpaid businesses for free.
    He weighed my offer for a fleeting moment and said, �Ok, sit.�
    I told him I was from TPYP and did not have to educate him about Yellow Pages; he was an advertiser with our arch rival M&N. He said that he was not too sure how effective TPYP would be. �M&N is official saar. You could be Tata, but you are not the government no? Ha ha ha!� he said gleefully.
    I pulled out a free listing card and asked him to fill it up. He scrawled away.
    He gave the card back and I said, �Thank you sir but don�t you want to see how your listing would appear in the book?� He nodded �yes�.

    I pulled out the Bombay directory (we were selling for the first directory of Chennai) and showed him the Printers-Offset category. The free listing was deliberately made to look insignificant and dull. Among a hundred free listings, a paid ad would stand out. Even an entry-level bold listing was 1000 times brighter than the free listing. After five minutes of checking out the directory, he said, �How much is that small listing? That bold one?� He asked. My legs became weak. I said, �1000 rupees sir.�
    �Hmmm, that box?� he said. So, I ran him through various products. There was this vacuum between us. He was rethinking. I mustered enough courage and said, �it is funny sir, but we need free listings. I mean, we need to make the ads look prominent. In your own way, you are helping us. Free listers make us comprehensive and make the advertisers happy. Thank you.� He stared at me for a complete minute and smiled. �I�ll take that bold listing. For you. You are a smart salesman. How long you have been with Tata?� He said. �This is my first day sir.� I said. That created some kind of sympathy I guess. My mind said, �take what you get and run from here.� But I wanted to push him.
    �Sir, a bold listing is better than a free listing, but a classified box has 30% more pull.�
    Finally, after some haggling he said OK for an NB1. I pulled out my contract book and started filling up details using his business card. Every TPYP sales person is given half a days of training on filling the complex contract. I pushed the contract book across and said, �Your signature sir.� and while he was signing, I said, �Cash or check sir?� He did not even look up when he said, �Check.� I pounced on it and hit him with �May I have the check details sir?� He pulled out a checkbook and read the check number to me. I was on the verge of crying. My legs were shaking. He stuck the check at my face and I snatched it and tucked it in my contract book. I gave him his copy of the contract, thanked him and walked out of his office. I stepped out and took a deep breath. �I am a go-getter.� I said to myself and lit a smoke. I could have pushed him for a display ad; I could have pitched him for another ad for his computer stationery business; I could have, but I did not. The euphoria of getting a check on the first call of the first day of your first job blinded me I guess. I was not complaining. But that first call had a valuable lesson for me: people love free lunches.

    Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com

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    10/05/2004

     

    Media Coverage in North-East

    Last night I tuned into NDTV to check out what was going on in Assam and Nagaland. I waited for close to 45 minutes but no correspondent came on screen and talked about the unrest in north-east. Prannoy Roy and his super-intellect team members Rajdeep, Srinivasan, and Burka Datt were talking to Pramod Mahajan. The topic? How the BJP-Sena alliance faring in Maharashtra. Online news is no better. I don't think any of these news companies have sent correspondents or maybe the government is restricting them, I don't know. But I figured that the media is united in displaying complete apathy towards north-east. How can you not cover this item as breaking-news? 63 people dead and hundreds injured, what more do you want? A genocide? To wake up and send your correspondents to north-east? Sad. Take a look at NDTV's Timeline-coverage of the violence in north-east.
    Saturday, 2 October: 49 Killed in blasts. Take a look at the picture that NDTV published.
    3 October, 2004: Assam is rocked by blasts again. But hey, take a look at the picture.
    NDTV redefines content reuse and re-purposing. Whatever respect I had for NDTV is gone. Following Times, NDTV is busy covering the 'night life' and page-3 people too. Wonderful! It'd be nice if you could act as responsible media people and let us, the rest of the nation, know what's going on in Assam and Nagaland. Don't give us statements made by Patil, or BJP or ULFA. Tell us what the people think. Prannoy Roy, shame on you man.
    Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com
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    10/01/2004

     

    Yellow Pages Blues: The early days

    I worked with Tata Press Yellow Pages for about two and a half years, between October 1995 and early 1998. To me, it was a great learning experience; I took up the sales job as I had to make some money, but I made more than money there. I learnt how to be a saleman. I learnt what confidence can achieve. I learnt that Srikumar was never a drummer. And there were some harsh lessons that I can't publish. For those of you in non-sales organizations, this series of posts should offer a great insight into the life of a salesman in the direct-sales world. Read on. Note to TPYP-Chennai guys: Let me know you'd like to share something here, I'd be more than thrilled to publish it.

    I joined Tata Press Yellow Pages (TPYP) in October 1995. I was confused, for I was not sure if I was doing the right thing by taking up a sales job; I wanted to be a writer. But I had to take up some job to eat at home without having to worry about the Dhanda Soru (useless creature) title. Not that my folks minded my stubbornness when it came to choosing a job, but after a year of futile attempts at securing a junior copywriter�s job, something deep inside told me that it was about time I took up a job and earn my meals. I responded to an interview call by TPYP and got the job after I cracked the ever-smoking Kanuga�s, (GM-HR) and Gopal�s (regional manager, Chennai) rather boring interview.

    �Do you wear ties?� Kanuga had asked. �Yes, only in parties.� I had lied. Gopal was desperately trying to woo me for a desk job (they needed some administration people) and I refused his offer by saying that I was interested only in a sales job. Desk jobs are mundane, and you cannot make money there; whereas as a sales job, with all its performance-based incentives, allowed one to make as much money as one wanted to. I got the job finally. Kanuga blew a cloud of smoke on my face and as I was suppressing a cough that rose from the depths of my tummy, he said, �sign this form and join us soon.� I was thrilled. And I opened my mouth to say thanks, and the tricky cough exploded from deep inside me and I managed �thanoooooooooooooooooooooogghhhh huh huh hugh�. Gopal and Kanuga fought the urge to duck and looked at me as if I were an alien. I left the place quiet content with my achievement.
    I knew nothing about sales; all I had on offer was loads of enthusiasm and the some (not much yeah, I am a lazy bum) willingness to slog my butt off. TPYP was bringing out its first directory in Chennai and was facing an uphill task of competing with the supposedly �official� M&N Yellow Pages, which was bundled along with the DoT�s telephone directory (White Pages). M&N offered 50% to 100% credit for booking ads in its Yellow Pages, whereas TPYP did not � it was 100% advance payment.

    Dear reader, you need to understand the basics of business directories before we proceed. Yellow Pages are published annually. So, when you go selling ad space early in the selling cycle, you are essentially asking the advertiser to pay you for an ad that�ll appear a good year later. Traders and corporates did not like it and refused to pay us 100% advance. Also, TPYP is a stand-alone publication; nothing official about it. We had the Tata name and we hoped to exploit the trust that it enjoyed. It was not much but yes, it gave us a foot in the door all right.

    So there we were; a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears, burning-with-ambition types, all set to conquer the world. Or so we thought. We were all huddled around the conference table. They told us that we had to undergo two days of induction followed by three days of field training. Srinivasan aka Puli moottai (sack of tamarind � he was perfectly shapeless) sat next to me. He had this wide grin pasted on his radiant face. A thin, vertical streak of Vermilion bisecting his forehead further accented it. We introduced ourselves. He was from Mayiladuthurai, a non-descript town, situated deep in the womb of Tamilnadu. Srinivasan or Srini came to Chennai to make it big. He had a burning desire to make a name for himself, and make lots of money. Srini has a funny accent. He�d stretch certain words to add emphasis. Foe example, he would say �I came late becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas, I missed the bus.� My accent was another story. I�ll save it for later.
    The induction was quite a revelation. Bimal Nair, sales manager, walked us through the history of yellow pages, and sold us the idea that TPYP YP was the best in the business in India. We bought it gleefully, and to this day believe that TPYP is the best. The induction program consummated with mock sessions. One of us would be the client (an undertaker, or a Fridge repair mechanic or a corporate honcho). The clients during the mocks were asked to be bad asses. They were. I think we like to be bad asses and unleash the sleeping sadist in us. Anu has the habit of ending her sentences with �something like that�.
    �You have to pay 1500 or something like that.� �We are the preferred directory in Mumbai or something like that.� �My name is Anu. I am coming from Tata press or something like that.� During her mock session her �client� made her life miserable by seeking an explanation for �something like that� every time she said the words. I was fortunate and was not asked to do a mock pitch.
    Bimal Nair used to watch the mock sales pitches and offer pearls of wisdom; �look into his eye and say �you pay now or you lose 25%�. �Show him numbers. Numbers, numbers, numbers.� Bimal�s sardonic sense of humor endeared him to all of us. He told us about how he clawed his way up from being a sales guy. �Performance. Nothing else.� He was around 28 then and was stocky, quite loaded at the waistline. He had this nasty habit of ruffling his close-cut, curly hair; he would run his palms through his side locks and pull them back in one super-fast motion, as if a snake in his head had bitten him. That was his way of fine-tuning his focus during a discussion I guess. Thank the lord he did not suffer from Dandruff; our meetings would have been flaky and hazy, with Dandruff floating around in the room. Most importantly Bimal was (still is I suppose, though he has moved to an ad agency) honest. He would never bullshit you, never feed you illusions about the job, and always urged you to word hard, for he believed that that was the only way to succeed. Though he was our super-boss (we reported to territory managers; each had a team of six under him or her) he would interact with each one of us (we were 60 or so). I am sure every girl in TPYP had some kind of a crush on him. I used to hate him for that.

    Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com

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