The Best Writing on Science Blogs 2006
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1/31/2007
1/30/2007
Dear Arun
Let's not even go near the topic of you and girls, that's like Ganguly and batting. What do you call a moron that leaves a message and not leave contact details?
Tried calling your office number. Call me on my mobile. Show some responsibility and store my mobile number at least this time. Don't act like you are so busy saving human life from its vagaries and evils. You are just a f***ing, inconsequential drop of urine that god shook off after he took a leak. So, note down my number. You won't dare invite my wrath I hope. I'll have you beaten up by retired NGOs and Telugu medium kids. You f***in geriatric, insolent, mentally challenged, xxxxxx.
Your friend,
Suman Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
Contontik: The Unsung Technology
This happened about 10 years back. Suren and I were having dinner at grand ma's. We were slurping up the thick curd that trickled down our fingers in slo-mo. Murali mama entered. With a big ass 'assembled' audio system, complete with two monster-sized speakers (two oopars and two tuiters to quote mama.)
I was all set to join mama, with my eyes popping out when Suren made a sign: stay calm. Ignore. So we acted like we never gave a shit about the new music system. To be honest I had never seen such a big music system in my life. It was quite tough to pretend that you never cared. Mama was desperate to grab our attention; we gave him enough gossip/content about the MJ, Madonna, George Michael so he could act cool when he was with his friends (the neighborhood mechanic, Kanniappan aka Appu, the video library guy, Snake Chandru among so many illustrious others.) So, it was important for mama to get our side of the story about his new audio system.
'I got two oopars and two tuitters...' he announced aloud. We did not even bother or give the impression that we were inclined to hear what he was saying. But he continued anyway.
'I bought this tape da. The whole of Ritchie street is playing only this tape...' And he started playing the tape. It was Malgadi Subha's Telugu album. The tweeters hissed, just like those in the tea shops that abounded in our locality. The woofers thudded with raw power. The small living room was filled with the exotic voice of Malgadi Subha, accompanied by the 'tchssss tchhsss' and the 'gumpphh gummppp' of the speakers. After a minute or so, Murali mama snapped the music shut. There was a small crowd at the front door. Our neighbor, the Palakad Mami, in her thick Palakad accent sang, 'Enna didhu Murali, Carnatic edhuvum illaya?' Murali mama beamed and chuckled and fished an MS bhajans tape and played it till maami wept. My granny, who wasn't all that excited about Malgadi Subha and her raunchy vocals, had a smile of contentment on her wrinkled face. Game, set, match, tournament Murali mama?
That's what I thought when Suren, who was still licking the curd off his fingers, mumbled, 'but does it have Contontik?'
It was like dropping a fish bowl in a church session. It exploded on Murali mama. A flurry of emotions raced across his frail face. I also joined Suren, 'Yes, yes does it have Contontik audio technology?'
The room was pregnant with that pause. Murali mama started tapping his fingers on the stand on which the audio system sat. My granny returned to the kitchen, to wrap up for the day. The small crowd had disappeared. It was just the three of us now. The finger-rapping became faster now. I am sure Murali mama wanted to kill the both of us and throw us from the Kotturpuram bridge. Suren flashed his 'See-how-I-can-screw-you' grin, shrugged and we were about to walk out, when Murali mama's voice rang out, first hesitantly, like that of a man who couldn't get it up at the crucial juncture, but desperately wanted some.
'Yeah, it has Contontik. I double-checked.' We turned around, nodded, and said 'I thought so. I mean how could YOU have missed it!' The smile came back to Murali mama's face. And of course we 'borrowed' 100 bucks from him. He was in a generous mood. Otherwise he would not part with a penny. He hated us that we always tricked him and flicked money off him. But this time, he was only happy to give us the 100 Rupee note; a crumpled, dirty bill that had languished in the Tantex underwear all day (or month?)
So, what is this Contontik? Okay, here goes: almost every audio system ships with it. Only they don't tell you about it. Do the Hero Honda guys say 'Uses IC Engine' No! They don't. That's Contontik for you. The name Contontik comes from Contontik-1 who ruled the Kichilikas in 9th century BC. If you had read my earlier post you will know by now that Contontik was big on technology: his ministry of science worked away, burning midnight oil, only to innovate and make life easier for the average Kichilika citizen. When you dig more into Somuchidononanda Pandey's research, it reveals some amazing facts:
Contontik-1 was a playboy too. He just loved the company of women: the more the merrier. So, there were only women staff in his palace. And our man used to get very naughty when his queen (Mrs.Contontik-1) was out, sight seeing or shopping. Now, for the innovator that he was, Contontik-1 was an uxorious bastard. He was shit scared of his wife. He loved her lots and that didn't help his cause. So he took extraordinary care when he was, um, taking little Johnny for a walk.
So he always had his best friend (and also the state poet) Bou-Utta-Thakkali stand guard at the foot of the 1000 step-staircase that lead to the entrance of the palace. The staircase and its acoustics were designed in such a way that when Thakkali clapped, Contontik-1, up there in the palace some 400 ft above, could hear it crystal clear. Yes, yes, I know even the Golconda fort had such a system but isn't it plain to see? The Golconda Sultans copied it from the Kichilikas. There is a famous couplet that Bou-Utta-Thakkali wrote, when Contontik-1, his best pal, asked him to stand guard while he was having an orgy up there in the palace. The couplet is in DavaJaangiri, the Kichilika script:
So, the next time you go 'Wow, the sound is so good!' remember that it is Contontik that is giving you that experience. Funny, isn't it? How a king's libido contributed to modern sound technology and Virtual Private Networks (VPNs). More on VPN and its connection to Contontik later. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
I was all set to join mama, with my eyes popping out when Suren made a sign: stay calm. Ignore. So we acted like we never gave a shit about the new music system. To be honest I had never seen such a big music system in my life. It was quite tough to pretend that you never cared. Mama was desperate to grab our attention; we gave him enough gossip/content about the MJ, Madonna, George Michael so he could act cool when he was with his friends (the neighborhood mechanic, Kanniappan aka Appu, the video library guy, Snake Chandru among so many illustrious others.) So, it was important for mama to get our side of the story about his new audio system.
'I got two oopars and two tuitters...' he announced aloud. We did not even bother or give the impression that we were inclined to hear what he was saying. But he continued anyway.
'I bought this tape da. The whole of Ritchie street is playing only this tape...' And he started playing the tape. It was Malgadi Subha's Telugu album. The tweeters hissed, just like those in the tea shops that abounded in our locality. The woofers thudded with raw power. The small living room was filled with the exotic voice of Malgadi Subha, accompanied by the 'tchssss tchhsss' and the 'gumpphh gummppp' of the speakers. After a minute or so, Murali mama snapped the music shut. There was a small crowd at the front door. Our neighbor, the Palakad Mami, in her thick Palakad accent sang, 'Enna didhu Murali, Carnatic edhuvum illaya?' Murali mama beamed and chuckled and fished an MS bhajans tape and played it till maami wept. My granny, who wasn't all that excited about Malgadi Subha and her raunchy vocals, had a smile of contentment on her wrinkled face. Game, set, match, tournament Murali mama?
That's what I thought when Suren, who was still licking the curd off his fingers, mumbled, 'but does it have Contontik?'
It was like dropping a fish bowl in a church session. It exploded on Murali mama. A flurry of emotions raced across his frail face. I also joined Suren, 'Yes, yes does it have Contontik audio technology?'
The room was pregnant with that pause. Murali mama started tapping his fingers on the stand on which the audio system sat. My granny returned to the kitchen, to wrap up for the day. The small crowd had disappeared. It was just the three of us now. The finger-rapping became faster now. I am sure Murali mama wanted to kill the both of us and throw us from the Kotturpuram bridge. Suren flashed his 'See-how-I-can-screw-you' grin, shrugged and we were about to walk out, when Murali mama's voice rang out, first hesitantly, like that of a man who couldn't get it up at the crucial juncture, but desperately wanted some.
'Yeah, it has Contontik. I double-checked.' We turned around, nodded, and said 'I thought so. I mean how could YOU have missed it!' The smile came back to Murali mama's face. And of course we 'borrowed' 100 bucks from him. He was in a generous mood. Otherwise he would not part with a penny. He hated us that we always tricked him and flicked money off him. But this time, he was only happy to give us the 100 Rupee note; a crumpled, dirty bill that had languished in the Tantex underwear all day (or month?)
So, what is this Contontik? Okay, here goes: almost every audio system ships with it. Only they don't tell you about it. Do the Hero Honda guys say 'Uses IC Engine' No! They don't. That's Contontik for you. The name Contontik comes from Contontik-1 who ruled the Kichilikas in 9th century BC. If you had read my earlier post you will know by now that Contontik was big on technology: his ministry of science worked away, burning midnight oil, only to innovate and make life easier for the average Kichilika citizen. When you dig more into Somuchidononanda Pandey's research, it reveals some amazing facts:
Contontik-1 was a playboy too. He just loved the company of women: the more the merrier. So, there were only women staff in his palace. And our man used to get very naughty when his queen (Mrs.Contontik-1) was out, sight seeing or shopping. Now, for the innovator that he was, Contontik-1 was an uxorious bastard. He was shit scared of his wife. He loved her lots and that didn't help his cause. So he took extraordinary care when he was, um, taking little Johnny for a walk.
So he always had his best friend (and also the state poet) Bou-Utta-Thakkali stand guard at the foot of the 1000 step-staircase that lead to the entrance of the palace. The staircase and its acoustics were designed in such a way that when Thakkali clapped, Contontik-1, up there in the palace some 400 ft above, could hear it crystal clear. Yes, yes, I know even the Golconda fort had such a system but isn't it plain to see? The Golconda Sultans copied it from the Kichilikas. There is a famous couplet that Bou-Utta-Thakkali wrote, when Contontik-1, his best pal, asked him to stand guard while he was having an orgy up there in the palace. The couplet is in DavaJaangiri, the Kichilika script:
Saamaan poda mela nee poi, Saaman poda mela nee poi,
Kai Thatta Solrey enna, ngokkaala oyeee!
So, the next time you go 'Wow, the sound is so good!' remember that it is Contontik that is giving you that experience. Funny, isn't it? How a king's libido contributed to modern sound technology and Virtual Private Networks (VPNs). More on VPN and its connection to Contontik later. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
1/25/2007
Now, eat this!
Racism - episode 2
And how did these brilliant NDTV correspondents prove their story?
No, that's not all. Here, check this out.
Tell you what, raising of many eyebrows was used as a Barometer in ancient India. No, I am not joking. Dr. Acharya Somuchidononanda Pandey in one of his lectures elaborated upon how in the 9th century BC, people in the kingdom of Kichilika (now Chilakaluripet) observed eyebrow movements of prisoners, to predict snow storms. In fact, Contontik - 1, the ruler of Kichilika had a separate ministry called -no prizes for guessing- Eyebrow ministry. This method of eyebrow prediction spread across India. In fact, until as recently as the, uh, 14th century, the kingdom of Sumbakoodhis (now Delhi, but of course!) had a sports event (similar to Olympics) in which athletes competed in eyebrow raising competitions. The popularity of eyebrow raising then reached such heights that, it became a language by itself. Even today, you can witness eyebrow raising (known as Kalaasal in Tamil) in Chennai: go to any TASMAC shop on the east coast road and see how the tribesmen of QuarterGovindas interact with the clerk at the counter. Be warned that provoking the tribesmen can result in them calling you names using only eyebrows [for example, thevidiya payya (bastard) is decoded as "^^ >> ^` `~ (!)" .]
What amazes me is how did the NDTV correspondents use this ancient technique to predict and break new stories? I implore the management of NDTV to share with us historians, any data related to Kalasal, Sumbakoodhis, Kichilika, and QuarterGovindas. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
And how did these brilliant NDTV correspondents prove their story?
An advertisement on a new sports channel for the ongoing India-West Indies cricket series has raised many eyebrows.
No, that's not all. Here, check this out.
And critics suggest that if that was racism, then the advertisement is also guilty of the same.
Tell you what, raising of many eyebrows was used as a Barometer in ancient India. No, I am not joking. Dr. Acharya Somuchidononanda Pandey in one of his lectures elaborated upon how in the 9th century BC, people in the kingdom of Kichilika (now Chilakaluripet) observed eyebrow movements of prisoners, to predict snow storms. In fact, Contontik - 1, the ruler of Kichilika had a separate ministry called -no prizes for guessing- Eyebrow ministry. This method of eyebrow prediction spread across India. In fact, until as recently as the, uh, 14th century, the kingdom of Sumbakoodhis (now Delhi, but of course!) had a sports event (similar to Olympics) in which athletes competed in eyebrow raising competitions. The popularity of eyebrow raising then reached such heights that, it became a language by itself. Even today, you can witness eyebrow raising (known as Kalaasal in Tamil) in Chennai: go to any TASMAC shop on the east coast road and see how the tribesmen of QuarterGovindas interact with the clerk at the counter. Be warned that provoking the tribesmen can result in them calling you names using only eyebrows [for example, thevidiya payya (bastard) is decoded as "^^ >> ^` `~ (!)" .]
What amazes me is how did the NDTV correspondents use this ancient technique to predict and break new stories? I implore the management of NDTV to share with us historians, any data related to Kalasal, Sumbakoodhis, Kichilika, and QuarterGovindas. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
Presenting the Custodians of Our Judiciary
The Noida serial killers were beaten up by lawyers on Thursday outside the CBI court in Ghaziabad, near Delhi.
One of them, Moninder Singh Pandher fell unconscious. The lawyers were angry because they were not allowed into the court. [via NDTV]
I think we should just stone the accused to death, in public, instead of wasting the tax payers' money on the case. Judicial process is for civilized societies. Not for us. At least not for Delhi Lawyers. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
1/23/2007
WWW: Why Are We Wimps
I read, I think in Tony Greig's book on Cricket, about how an Indian Hockey team, back in the 60s, was sent to Pakistan with strict instructions to �I kid you not� to lose the series. I don't know if this is a hangover from the SatyaGraha movement, we tend to place a lot of premium on being 'nice' to our enemies and detractors. Another sad example is what the India Tourism Office did: Invite Jade Goody to India, with open arms. Why are we such wimps? Why can't we display some character and stand up to people that throw shit at us?
You disagree? See what the Paki press is writing.
Now I know why Munnabhai 2 was such a hit. Now, don't go and preach me about Gandhian values and about how you should show your other cheek and bend over when someone repeatedly slaps you.
I condemn extremism, but I don't believe in being a wimp either. All I am saying is tough times need tough measures. Not your furry cheeks. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
You disagree? See what the Paki press is writing.
Now I know why Munnabhai 2 was such a hit. Now, don't go and preach me about Gandhian values and about how you should show your other cheek and bend over when someone repeatedly slaps you.
I condemn extremism, but I don't believe in being a wimp either. All I am saying is tough times need tough measures. Not your furry cheeks. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
1/22/2007
When Money Talks...
...principle walks. Not that I really believed these atheist politicians, but this was too much, no?
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1/18/2007
On Racism
The whole country (read media) is screaming and protesting the alleged racist treatment that was meted out to Shilpa Shetty. The governments have joined the cacophony: Prime Minister Blair said 'it can't be condoned' and our own I&B ministry is making noises over the whole thing. I find it funny, for we as a people are probably the biggest racists in this world and we find remarks like 'Indian' 'dog' as racist. Forget foreigners, our own people practice blatant racism against their own people:
1) In Goa, during the x-mas season, if you are an Indian no shack owner will welcome you. Even the cleaning boys treat you like dirt. I thought that the shack I went to was an exception. I was wrong. Wherever I went, the white skin got attention and service where as we were treated like we were refugees. In Palolem, we were asked to pay up in advance for our beers. When asked why the waiter said 'people run away.' I was disgusted when I discovered that he did not demand advance payment from the white masters.
2) In Tamilnadu, they hate the Hindi language. it is not taught in schools.
3) In Assam you could get killed for speaking in Hindi, thanks to ULFA.
4) In Karnataka they started a 3-week moratorium against 'other' language movies (including English.)
5) In Gujarat the state sponsored the slaughter of muslims a few years back.
We are the biggest racists in the world and we have no fcuking right to complain against racism. Let's learn how to treat people of our own country with respect before we blame the westerners and their culture. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
1) In Goa, during the x-mas season, if you are an Indian no shack owner will welcome you. Even the cleaning boys treat you like dirt. I thought that the shack I went to was an exception. I was wrong. Wherever I went, the white skin got attention and service where as we were treated like we were refugees. In Palolem, we were asked to pay up in advance for our beers. When asked why the waiter said 'people run away.' I was disgusted when I discovered that he did not demand advance payment from the white masters.
2) In Tamilnadu, they hate the Hindi language. it is not taught in schools.
3) In Assam you could get killed for speaking in Hindi, thanks to ULFA.
4) In Karnataka they started a 3-week moratorium against 'other' language movies (including English.)
5) In Gujarat the state sponsored the slaughter of muslims a few years back.
We are the biggest racists in the world and we have no fcuking right to complain against racism. Let's learn how to treat people of our own country with respect before we blame the westerners and their culture. Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati
1/16/2007
1/10/2007
Quotable Quotes
"At Motorola, we call this the device formerly known as the cell phone," Padmasree Warrior, Motorola's chief technology officer recently said, holding up her own RAZR.
Padmasree Warrior, on Apple's iPhone.
Labels: technology
Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati1/08/2007
Melancholy
Tip to ugly bloggers: Be ugly. But don't fcuking advertise it. Wear helmets when you walk out.
Request to Indie movie makers: Spare us. Thevidiya pasangaley!
Request to business school bloggers: shut the fcuk up.
Request to self: Get a life. Get drunk.
P.S. Say what? No Mr.Einstein, the title of this post has no fcuking relevance.
Labels: general
Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| TechnoratiGaurav, Shut up. Please.
Gaurav explains why Sehwag should be persisted with. These patronizing fug heads I tell you. Sehwag should be dropped because he failed to deliver. Consistently. If he were pushed down the order yada-yada is bull shit. By that logic, we should have never dropped Ganguly and we should have thrown Sachin to the stray dogs of Chandra Layout three years back. You can be a fan all right, but giving Sehwag a public bj is too much. And sister, 'bad patch' is not a good excuse.
Labels: cricket
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