On Copywriters

Rediff has a very useful article for all of us, which is titled 'What are all those copywriters doing?' Don't snort now, please. I am guessing that the next in the series would be 'What are all those Shiamak's dancers doing?' Or 'What are all those Feng-Shui guys doing?' I don't know why Rediff feels the need to educate us about such life-saving professions. I mean, hey, they let this guy, probably suffering from a serious case of Gastritis, rave and rant about -hold your breath- Copywriters!
Lindsay Pereira's piece in Rediff slams the Copywriters of our advertising industry for producing dull, drab, and uninspiring ads. Pereira, however, makes it look like ALL copywriters are dumb and all the work that they produce is trash. Pereira also gets very personal with about 97% of the Copywriters:

I don't get it. Honestly. I understand most copywriters aren't very bright, considering they spend years trying to hawk everything under the sun. I know they aren't as familiar with the English language as they'd like to think they are.

I can picture the copywriters now, sitting in their faded jeans and unwashed shirts, smoking cigarettes in foggy rooms, thinking hard about the next burst of creativity to come their way by accident.

Pereira, it seems you know very little about selling. And I am sure your idea of writing a campaign is at an alarming tangent to reality. Dude, stop smoking that sh*t okay? I agree that most of the ads that are hurled at us are inane, but it is a sin if we don't recognise the ones that are brilliant. For example, the SBI Insurance ad that features only old people. Old people, sir, and not 17 year old young ladies weighing only 55 Kg with no blemishes or wrinkles. And of course, there is that Surf Excel commercial that features two young kids: a boy and his sister. Again no 17 year old bombshell. Let me come back to the campaigns of SBI products. I would have never known that SBI being a nationalised bank could be so professional. Now I know. Thanks to those campaigns. We can debate on the quality of some of the ads but over all, I think SBI has made crucial in-roads into the minds of the MNC-employed, high-income youth in our cities.
Okay, screw all of that, you think writers on Rediff know their English? Please read this. Let us not get high and mighty. By saying that most Copywriters are dumb, you (I mean Rediff hee hee) are antagonizing every ad agency that has some integrity and self-respect. I am amazed that Rediff actually published your piece!
Finally, Copywriters�good ones that is�do not sit around in their faded jeans to come up with ideas. You have no idea how much of research goes behind product positioning and the campaigns. Remember the DairyMilk campaign? It created a new market for god�s sake. It is unfair to say that all copywriters are lazy clowns who smoke up and wait for ideas to emerge from the smoke-induced high. Let's flip it around. Why did you write this piece? How useful it is going to be for the Rediff reader (that does not give a f*** about what a Copywriter is)? Who was your target audience Pereira? What was the purpose of this piece? Will you take your writing seriously and try to make a difference? See? Didn't they tell you that small detail about living in glass houses?

And oh, boy, can I go on and on about you (Rediff that is, stop twitching) and your love affair with Bollywood? The minute I bring in the word 'Bollywood' the words 'stupid' 'inane' 'banal, etc. become redundant. One word says it all. And you guys, paint that sh*t all over your site. Why? It is okay for a commercial to be inane simply because I know it is a commercial. An online news portal? You guys are journalists and you can't afford to serve up stupidity, right? What do you do? Those of your ilk? Hm. Think about it cowboy. And hey, stop smoking that sh*t, I mean seriously. Curd is good for acidity, did I tell you?
Note to readers: Coming soon! "The B-school Blogger" Feel free to share your thoughts with me on this forthcoming piece.

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Weird Week

This has been a weird week. I had ordered for Sonia's book and the guys at NBC India took 3 weeks to ship it. My friend Nanda got engaged and he tells me after he is engaged. Congrats da Nanda! And, I have become averse to rum. I just can't drink it. Weird, weird, weird!

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Make Free Calls Using Firefox

Make free calls using Firefox now!
Read more at www.techtree.com/techtr...

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The Personal Loan Circus

Have you ever tried securing a personal loan from any of these multi-national banks? If you did, you'll know how you can get shafted if you don't watch out. Interest rates vary from bank to bank, which is absurd. Think about it, Stanchart told me that it lends at 16% reducing interest. HDFC says it is 12% reducing. And Citibank is another story. Depending upon the basis�your card or savings a/c with Citibank�of the loan the rate may vary between 21% and 12%! How can various banking institutions offer at varying rates of interest? Beats me! I already have a personal loan with ICICI and I wanted to borrow more money. That sounds simple right? I am an existing customer, they have all my information, and all they need to do is key my loan a/c number and see if they can lend? Right? Wrong. Firstly, ICICI does not cater to its personal loan customers across the desk. You will have to route your loan application through a Direct Sales Agent (DSA) after you talk to customer support. And, the customer support folks at ICICI, despite telling them repeatedly that I am an existing customer, insisted on asking me redundant questions like 'What's your net salary?' or 'How long have you been working with your current employer?' I spoke to four support guys and all of them claimed that they 'have no access to my account information'! When asked if there was someone that has access, I did not get a concrete, cogent response. And now ICICI is offering loans at 11% but I can't avail of this offer because I had already taken a loan at 12% you see. I will not be treated as a new customer, the girl that helped me secure a loan earlier told me. I thought customer retention was as (if note more) important than bagging new ones? If only these guys really stuck to their ad campaigns... Hum Haina? My a$$. It ought to be Hum Hyena. Okay, sorry that was a bad joke... please adjust, my mood is screwed.
I gave up on ICICI now and am after other banks. The story, however, is the same with every bank I guess. The DSAs are often clueless and they use the line 'sir, we will get back to you' to sickening effect. I called GE-Countrywide (Now GE Money) and the girl in support said that she will pass my request to a DSA in Bangalore. When I asked her if she can give me the DSA's phone number, guess what she told me? 'Sir, they don't have a phone number.' And, I am supposed to entrust confidential information like my bank statements, credit card information, and my pay slip with a DSA who doesn't even have a phone! How do you expect me to trust a firm that has no phone? Is there any bank out there that will respect me and my little intelligence; and offer real customer support? I doubt it. If you think otherwise, leave a comment. In these days when (clich� ahoy!) information is just a click away and customers are well informed... oh f*** it, I don't want to write that line. And the online banking systems, oh sweet lord, that's another story. Will take a jab at it later. In the meantime, do not take a personal loan until you are sure as hell that you are getting the best deal. There are sites out there that'll help you; google for them lazy bum. And, don't waste time talking to those Parrots and Robots in customer care. Use the time to do something productive: get a haircut or w@nk off, you know.

Aside: Did you know that Citibank charges 100 bucks each for all its Suvidha (thanks for correcting me Bajji) customers that walk in to a branch and transact? Talk about highway robbery! Who are these guys that come up with these brilliant ideas man?

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Govt Restricts IIM's Expansion Plans

The HRD ministry did not allow the IIMs to setup a B-school in Singapore. Why? The government wants them to expand in India first. And look at what this NDTV report uncovers:

But IIM Ahmedabad has been trying to open a centre in Navi Mumbai for the last five years and has yet to get permission from the Maharashtra government.
They were told that the permission would be granted only if it reserved 12 per cent of its seats for Maharashtrians.  And according to sources, IIM-A was denied the 25 acres of land after they refused to reserve seats.

This report also uncovers how state governments like Gujarat do not co-operate with IIMs. I don't know why the government throws the spanner in the works of IIMs' expansion plans. You know, we all feel proud when a stupid Bollywood flick is sent for the Oscars nominations. We beat our chests and holler about how Mumbai is the 'Manchester of India' and Pune is the 'Oxford of India'. We have been such suckers for anything 'foreign' but suddenly when one of our own institutes wants to plant our flag in foreign lands, well, we become super-patriots. When they do try to expand, the Maharashtra government wants 12% reservation for Maharashtrians. On the other hand, state governments boast about how they offer tax holidays and infrastructure support for IT companies. Why? Because they rake in the dollars. We are okay with it, for money is money, foreign or not.
What's hilarious is that former HRD minister, who had tried to stifle IIMs and IITs during his tenure, is backing the current minister's decision:

Strongly defending Arjun Singh's decision of disallowing IIM-B to open a campus in Singapore, Joshi said "Indian tax payer's money should be first used for the country. I had tried to bring down IIM fees but some people protested. I am happy with the government's new decision."
Echoing the Central government view that IIMs should be catering to the requirements of the country before they try to set foot elsewhere, Joshi said: "India needs good managers in all fields. Our electricity, water supply, health, education, everything is mismanaged. Therefore, the IIMs must focus on these areas of social relevance first."

Everything is mismanaged? Why didn't I think of that before? Maybe the honorable former minister's passion, patriotism, and angst clouded his logical thinking ability. They are mismanaged because the government runs them. Now tell me, why should the government interfere with IIMs?
Tax payer's money? Only 2% of the population pays personal income tax. I don't get it. Or in other words, 2% are screwed for the benefit of the rest. I'd like to know how much money I contribute to the IIMs' functioning, as opposed to the money our Parliament spent on discussing Saurav Ganguly's place in the Indian Cricket team. Or the money our ministers spend on government bungalows, cars, security...  Who are you kidding?

In Pakistan, you need to earn in excess of $15,000 to qualify for the top rate of 35%... [Via BBC]

The IIMs have managed, despite hurdles from the government, to establish a platform that creates world class managers and leaders (and some condescending bloggers; that's fine I can live with that). The government should not have any say in what the IIMs want to do; like it can't and shouldn't interfere in private sector hiring. If the government does not relent and do away with these populist ideas, it will have a disastrous effect on the overall growth of the country. I can already foresee an exodus of quality professionals to foreign shores.

Update: Vasu, our own closet-communist, has shot his mouth off, in one of those moments where anger nullifies reason and rhetoric blinds you to facts. Here is my response to Vasu:

"If IIMs have not done much than just branch out to 6 institutes in the last 55 years, what is the gaurentee that they would do so now."

Pal, welcome back to earth. If you read my post, you'll understand why your statement is vain.

Do we have to risk public funds by investing it elsewhere?

Do you know how many PSUs are running in losses and did you know that our money goes there too? Anyway check facts. I don't think IIMs run on public funds. Correct me if I am wrong.

The IIM managmeent simply has no intention of doing this as they are protectors of the holy grail in education called merit and quality even conviniently ignoring the constitutional mandate to the state and state institutions to provide education as a matter of right and not as a matter of award.

Education as a right is meant for elementary education for children upto 14 years of age. Again, check your facts. Of course, correct me if I am wrong.

...ensure 69% reservations are implemented in these institutes including management.

Caste-based reservation in professional education, hmmm. Do you really believe what you wrote Vasu? Or at least pass me the stuff you are on man. It ought to be darn good.

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Pressure Guage Indicators

I was filling air in my bike's tyres when I discovered that the rear tyre's level was 10 instead of 36. The problem is that it is difficult for one to assess if the pressure in the tyres is at the optimal level. If your levels are down, you lose out on mileage, inflict damage to your tyres and tubes, and run the risk of an accident. So, don't you think two-wheelers should have pressure indicators ala fuel indicators? I don't see why not! What do you think? And, what about cars, do they have pressure indicators?

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Pressure Guage Indicators

I was filling air in my bike's tyres when I discovered that the rear tyre's level was 10 instead of 36. The problem is that it is difficult for one to assess if the pressure in the tyres is at the optimal level. If your levels are down, you lose out on mileage, inflict damage to your tyres and tubes, and run the risk of an accident. So, don't you think two-wheelers should have pressure indicators ala fuel indicators? I don't see why not! What do you think? And, what about cars, do they have pressure indicators?

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Beware of auto-rickshaw drivers

I got a mail forward this morning about an auto driver mugging an IT professional near Forum in Koramangala. I can't vouch for the veracity of this mail forward; you know how mail forwards are generally. In this case though, I did not find it tough to believe the forward's contents. Bangalore's image as a haven for the IT professional is taking a serious beating. The IISc incident coupled with frequent reports of mugging and robbery will soon have its toll on the city. I pray that I am wrong. In the meantime, all you genius software engineers, stop wearing your company badges when you are out of office. We know that you are proud of your company all right, but your badge is a mobile advertisement to all criminals: It reads 'Come take me... baby' to them. So watch your a$$. Tough times call for tougher measures ladies, gentlemen, and others.
Here is the mail that I received:

Hi guys,
This is an incident that happened at 7:00pm on the busy roads of koramangala ( opposite to Forum), which Reflects the state of security , especially to IT professional, in Bangalore. My friend John, working in IBM was traveling on his bike to his office and had to stop at a traffic signal at Forum ( 7:00PM) on Thursday. An auto hit him from behind john had turned back to notice what happened. With in no time three people got of the auto and started hitting him. Out of shock and surprise he removed his helmet. This was his Mistake .As soon as he removed his helmet he got badly beaten on his left eye. Still not able to understand why he is getting beaten up and not in a state to defend him self , he pulled out a 500 rupee note and offered it to them. Three of them with out a word took the 500 rupee note and started walking away . It doesn't end here. As the three men moved on, John tried to call his friend for help. Noticing this, three men turned back and started hitting him again and warned to kill if he tried to call some one. Out of fear he traveled to office with blood bleeding form his face. After that he was admitted in Sagar Apollo. His Eye is swollen so mush that one can't see his Eye ball even after two days. All this happened on the busy road of Koramangala at 7:00pm , and the traffic police and the crowed kept watching the incident with no one coming to help.
Now john Is not Even able to file a FIR as he got his Visa Date Next week. I felt like asking all you leave home early and be Cautious while traveling back to home. But is there some thing that the Government got to do about it. Do pass this to all your friends to be alert.

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Salem Repents

'Salem sobbed out his repentance'. Ha ha ha ha ha! That's the best joke I have heard in recent times. This guy is accused of trying to blow up Mumbai. He murdered god knows how many people. And the Special Public Prosecutor deemed it fit to share the sensitive-side of the accused. And hey, the judge ordered isolation for the accused to avoid any more parties. Good fun!

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