Don't wait for the can

When I was 13 I wanted to learn swimming. And in Chittoor the only way to do that was through the irrigation wells that fed the paddy, sugar cane crops. I set out to a field near my home, along with my friends (read: swimmers). I had my tummy in knots and was all nerves as I peered down from the top of the well to the blue-green translucent water. A small turtle lay nestled at the bed of the well, lazily flapping its limbs(?!). It was a huge well, a perfect circular structure that had a spiral stair case for one to get to the water level. Sudhakar, my chief instructor tied a 5 ltr plastic can around my naked waist. As I walked down the can kept slapping my butt. I was so damn sure that the the tight-shut lid would come-off the can and drown me. Sudhakar just smiled and I was puzzled by his benevolence. "Let's go down" he said stepping down on to the stair case. I started. I would have crossed four steps when he spun around and pushed me down. I went down screaming. The brick-layered walls of the well echoed my scream. I landed flat on my belly. I don't know how long I was under water; it felt like a long time. I went down, down, down , down... into a spiral abyss. I could see legs lashing out and someone's jocks had slid down and he was pulling it up. And the can propelled me up. It seemed as if it had a mind of its own. I popped up on my back, gasping for breath. My belly was red and it stung as if I was slapped by Mike Tyson. I lay on my back, kicking and using my arms to stay in balance. The dipping sun peered through the leaves of the Gulmohar tree by the 'pump-shed'. I thanked god that I was alive. Sudhakar said "this is not your english medium convent... you learn it the way it is meant to be." I nodded. So he trained me for four days; how to paddle, the various strokes, and more. On the fifth day Sudhakar and my other friends decided that I didn't need the can anymore. I was scared to death. I clung to a gulmohar tree's trunk at the edge of the well and refused to step onto the staircase. "Why the hell did you volunteer? Swimming is 80% in your mind! Lose the fear. That's it. I am ashamed of you - you spineless chicken-cum-gutter rat!" Sudhakar pounded me with his colossal verbal assault. I felt like dirt. I think he saw me cringing within myself in shame. "Do you trust me?" He asked softly. I nodded. And walked into the staircase. "...you shouldn't trust anyone too much!" He said and before I realised I was once again falling into the well... I didn't scream though. I went down. Down, down, down, down. Dark. Murky-green water. A frightened bubble left my mouth. I saw it rocket up. I was drowning. That thought clouded my brain. Clogged my thinking, and let panic take over. My body went limp I guess. I opened mouth and the water gushed in, choking me... I had a searing pain inside my chest. I thought my lungs would explode when something pulled me up by my hair.
I lay gasping and coughing at once. Sudhakar had saved me. "what the hell went wrong?" I yelled at him. "You were waiting for the can." He said. "You were waiting for the can to bring you up. When there was no can."
I learnt swimming that day. I never did wait for the can ever again. And I always quote Sudhakar when I see people refusing to wriggle out of holes. When people have 'helplessness' for an excuse. When people give up too soon. When people short-circuit their brains on their own volition. "Don't wait for the can." I tell them.
Write to me: suman 'at' sumankumar 'dot' com

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

The moving finger writes...*

I received a few fan mails ;-) on my first novel. Now, I know that I am not a great writer. I do not have the literary ammunition nor a stunning vocabulary. I love telling stories. That's my only strength. And I love to write. I wrote this novel in 1999. It was a labour of love and being a fool that I am I sent it to Penguin books and was rejected. I tried to approach so many other publishers. None responded. No, it didn't disappoint me and dissolve my faith. I just went ahead and created a website for my novel. And I keep getting e-mail every now and then. People from all over India. People that I have never seen. But the recent mail from one particular reader moved me. She made me realise that I had given up on my novel, instead of keeping at it and get it published.
Many Thanks to those kind souls who are sensitive enough to send a good thought, and a word of encouragement. The penguins of the publishing industry can go to hell. It is you that's going to buy my book when I am published tomorrow. That counts. That's swell!

*The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-- Omar Khayyam

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati

How repressed is the Indian male?

It took a long time for me to conclude this. Most Indian men are sexually repressed. In a bid to find out what the Indian male likes, I had subscribed for a few mail groups that share porn stuff. You should see the stuff that they share. Heroines showing off belly buttons. Crass exposure of cleavages. Some malayalam actress' semi-porn movie clip (it's like two water buffaloes mating). Sad sad sad! It's all right if we don't have world class roads or cars or chocolate or per capita income, but come on can we have some quality porn at least?
And of course my conclusion was also inspired by watching men at the work-place. Some of them are sick. They need counselling man. Most of them - I bet my ass on it - are still virgins; and are in their mid-20s. Now don't start me the Indian values ok? I am only talking about the morons who are repressed, who are sexually frustrated, but do nothing about it (if we exclude mastrubation that is).
I asked a friend who is 30; who watches porn movies almost everyday. Who won't miss the Surya TV's sickening-silly Saturday night semi-porn movie for a million bucks, "Why don't you buy sex?" I mean he so desperately watches porn man! His answer was "Why should I? I am gonna get married in a few months!" Never mind!

Add to:del.icio.us| Digg| Reddit| StumbleUpon| Technorati