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    7/29/2005

     

    Where is Pecos?

    My phone rang.
    'Hi man, how are you?' He asked.
    I said, 'I am good da. What's up?'
    'This evening's plan?'
    'Hmmm?'
    'I wanted to check with you.'
    'Okay. I am going to Pecos.' I said.
    'Ok. Where is Pecos?'

    After some time, he dropped another grenade.
    'What is this Pecos? A pub?'

    Who is he? Take a guess bLogout gang.
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    The fourth estate in shambles

    NDTV ran a special SMS service on its news channel: you can send an SMS and it will appear on a marquee on TV. Lot of people used it to communicate with their near and dear during the monster rains in Mumbai. And, people appreciated NDTV for its service. I kept reading messages like 'Dad is back home. Thanks NDTV.' That's where the good news ends. NDTV also tried to milk emotion by having their inarticulate correspondents (like the one in Ahmedabad) mouth utter nonsense—in the name of presenting a human face— on national TV.
    The Ahmedabad guy found a little school girl supposedly dumped by her school bus in the middle of nowhere, in the heavy rain. The girl is a student of a school run a pharma major. How could a reporter without checking facts accuse the school or the bus driver? Probably the bus broke down. Probably the driver was off to get help. School authorities remained inaccessible was a complaint; what did you expect? that the school officials would be playing a game of Rummy over some hot coffee in the campus enjoying the heavy rains? Come on guys, this is the goddamned national television. Get your facts absolutely right before you go ahead and make any accusation or do an expose. And get some real reporters. The Ahmedabad guys said, 'This is Ahmedabad, the city of humanity and human faces'. Really? Mr.Modi will love you for that my friend.

    Indiatimes ran these headlines, among others that did not include news on the Mumbai catastrophe:
    Sex MMS will replace movies and TV,
    Mithun, not Amitabh is indias hero no 1
    Lust is the theme of every party
    Better to be the mistress than wife
    (via Prabhu)

    Airtel thought it was fit to ask people—amid the chaos— if they wanted to knowwhere the nearest coffee shop was. Very sensitive I must admit. (via Rashmi)

    The slimes ran a piece on how Mumbai celebs suffered because they didn't get a copy of slimes due to the rains (Thanks Uma). What they failed to understand is that water supply was probably cut off and what better paper than slimes to wipe your a**?

    There is an argument (started by B-school intellectuals and the likes) that Slimes is doing what works for its business; and that it gives what people want. I think Slimes proved the intellectuals wrong by pulling this stupid, self-congratulatory piece. And I have tears in my eyes because I have been laughing non-stop... Sometime back I read somewhere that the Slimes story should be made a case study in all B-schools. Ha ha.
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    7/28/2005

     

    Mumbai Drowning

    I hope all Mumbai bloggers are doing okay. Amit has blogged about the monster rains of Mumbai.
    A friend from Mumbai was telling me how the people help each other there during troubled times. But alas, such a great city has a lame ass government. I am sure that it need not have been this bad.

    And, a city that's so kind to fellow humans was not so to animals:
    Over 1000 shackled animals - buffaloes, goats, sheep - died in the floods. Their owners seem to have escaped without untying the animals.
    (via Uma)

    Dilip Dsouza offered shelter to stranded people. You are a good man Dilip.

    Salut. Mumbai.
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    We the people: On screen smoking

    The last episode of We the people on NDTV was enchanting, for it uncovered the stupidity at the top levels and also shed light on how intelligent aam junta is. Here are some snippets:

    The head of a consumer rights group (consumer voice? I don't recall) thinks Sharukh Khan is a great guy. Why? Because Sharukh, though he is a chain smoker himself, supports the ban on on-screen smoking. The consumer rights genius also added, 'I know Sharukh. He is a nice man. He is trying to quit smoking.' Also, our consumer rights genius assured that they are working similar ban for drinking. One of the participants responded, 'Okay. I am emigrating.'

    One of the participants (aam junta) on 'Heroes and stars are icons. People follow them': Can a villain smoke? Ha ha ha.

    The big-wig from Godfrey Philips said, 'You are talking about banning cigarettes. You know there are 36 millions people working in the industry.'

    Rahul Bose said this in response to 'on-screen smoking makes people smoke', 'There are peasants in South-east Asia who chain smoke. What movies do they watch?' Point Rahul. But why would you want to argue with fools and drunks?

    The cancer patient that NDTV got on the show said, 'I don't care if Sharukh smokes or not. Nobody cares. Smoking is a personal thing. I smoked because I wanted to. I am against this ban.' Our libertarian cartel members would have smooched this guy.

    P.S. Still reeling from the illness. Posts will be far and few between.
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    7/23/2005

     

    Delhi

    Rape capital of India?
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    7/21/2005

     

    Untouchable

    I have been suffering from fever, cold, cough, and a bad sore throat for the past week, thanks to that goddamned respiratory infection. It has not been easy dragging myself along trust me. The cough explodes through my throat, burns my chest, and leaves a sharp pain in my ears! The sneeze is so violent that sometimes I check in the mirror if my nose is still intact. And you know how the fever is; there is a perennial sour taste in your mouth, food tastes awful. When you talk you sound like an old radio tuned to a bad station.
    None of this bothered me. The dear wife was actually happy that I was ill. 'I have never spent so much time with you, on weekdays!' she said. What troubled me though was something totally different.
    People, when they discover that I am unwell, suddenly go, 'Oh man, go away. Go home! You are going to give us your fever.' I tried hard to see if they wanted to offend me. No. It came natural to them. You say 'fever' they jump from the chair as if they were electrocuted in their butts. All natural. A couple of friends agreed to talk to me on the condition that I stayed at least four feet away during the conversation. You know, I know that they are justified in wanting to stay away from me... But I felt bad somewhere deep inside. And I thought of the lives of all the AIDs patients. Sigh!
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    7/20/2005

     

    How to become a guru in 30 days minutes

    In the recent past I have observed quite a few gurus and experts springing up from all over the place. A closer scrutiny revealed some great insights. Based on our insights we are going to make you an expert in animal psychology.

    1) Google for animal psychology.
    2) Read at least 5 sites that the search threw out
    3) Blog about it and sound like you have been an animal psychologist for 150 years
    4) Blog about it again.
    5) Blog again.
    6) Voila! You are the latest addition to the experts on animal psychology!

    Wasn't that cool?
    You can become an expert in any field or area you want; in as many areas as you want!!. Think about it... Expert on blogging, atomic energy, vasectomy, astro-physics, ophthalmology, f*** is that cool or what. And hey, mumble a prayer to the lord when you go to bed and ask him to keep Google hale and healthy forever. How else can we create experts out of dumb asses?

    Aaaarggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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    Sick

    Down with some respiratory tract infection. I have been down for five days now. But, I will be back. Cough! Cough!
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    7/11/2005

     

    Drupal rocks

    I am messing around with Drupal based on Arnab's advice. I think that Drupal is the most flexible, robust CMS I have seen till now. And I have seen quite a few. The best thing about Drupal is that it can scale up as an enterprise collaboration platform and can also be your personal blog system. Charming.
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    7/10/2005

     

    Sarkar: A Review

    Ramgopal Varma's latest movie, based on the underworld, Sarkar, announces at the start that it is a tribute to The Godfather. It kind of set my expectations about the movie: Indianized godfather in the hands of Varma; I was excited.

    Sarkar ended up as a patchwork of disjointed, incoherent scenes. The flash, jazz and style do not make up for the lack of a strong, coherent screenplay like Satya. Amithab, as usual, does a great job of portraying the lead role: Sarkar. So does the guy that played the elder son's role. He is brilliant. Kota Srinivasa Rao enthralls us with his comic-villain role. Abhishek Bachan's character just does not come through. Despite valiant attempts by the writer and the director, the character just does not establish itself as the cold, calculating, and ruthless Michael Corleone-equivalent. Abhishek Bachan can wow the girls but he is as good an actor as I am an Olympic Gold medallist. He steps into the story with the gorgeous yet deadpan Katrina Kaif (whose dad does not like Sarkar who supposedly runs a parallel government). Katy somewhere along the way dumps Abhishek, as she 'does not like his family'. I don't want to compare Al pacino and Abhishek here, but I pray that Al Pacino does not watch this movie. He'd puke to death. Thank god Puzo is dead.
    The movie starts with a man seeking the Sarkar's help. He explains how some rich boy punk had ravaged his daughter and destroyed her life. Sarkar's chief lieutenant and his boys find the rich boy punk and beat him to pulp. Pretty slick, I should admit; and I liked the chief lieutenant. He looks menacing and ruthless. And he could act well too. The slickness, however, ends here.

    I see it in most Indian movies. They all start with a bang and then fizzle out, giving into clichés that typify Bollywood. The day directors and writers pay attention to the cohesiveness of the movie is the day that would redeem Indian cinema; to achieve that we need to embrace 'method'. By method I mean investing time and money on getting the screenplay air-tight; ensuring that production value is consistent; getting the cast right; getting the musical score right; and finally, making the movie as per the screenplay.
    For example, the protagonist's henchmen carry automatic rifles, even in front of the cops! One can argue that the don would have got them licenses, but hey, you know what I am talking about. Style can never substitute logic. And logic is the glue that makes a movie cohesive.
    The movie fails to establish Mumbai city as a character. That would have brought in so much of depth to the movie. When you show the city's character (for example, a character eating Vada Pav or taking the suburban train.) audience identify with it. When they identify they end up liking your movie. I am positive Varma knows this (not his writer though) but probably got lost as he had too much to chew. Also, there is no back-story for Sarkar. How did he become a don? Where was he from? What made him become a don? Also, can some one tell me how an American return boy that wants to start a 'consultancy' in America makes up his mind and becomes a don? Is that really his girl friend? He does not even kiss her for god's sake. He plays squash with her though. Weird!

    Rashid, a bad ass from Dubai, wants to run dope. Sarkar refuses. Rashid gangs up with three other baddies: a swamiji, a clichéd south-Indian character, and a local villain. Also, Sarkar's eldest son who is always fighting with his dad, is provoked into killing a movie hero that is sleeping with a heroine for who the eldest son has the hots (gasp!). Sarkar throws the elder son out and promises to protect the heroine and that allows the cops to issue a warrant that allows the bad boys to move Sarkar's son on to their side. A politician called Kurana (played by Anupam Kher; he is on screen for exactly two minutes. He must be in need of cash man) makes statements against Sarkar. Kurana is murdered. Sarkar is arrested on the basis of a statement made by someone that the cops had arrested.
    The movie is about how Abhishek takes the reins, saves dad, and becomes Sarkar himself. Stop yawning.

    Do you remember the cop that punches Michael Corleone in the Godfather? Yeah, what does Michael do for revenge? He kills the bloody cop and that is a crucial turn in the story. How is that equated in Sarkar? The cop slaps Abhishek. But the conflict is resolved in one line: the CM, upon learning that Sarkar, his buddy, is actually a nice guy, comes home, spots Abhishek and tells him, 'Good job son. Your pop will be proud of you. And hey, I have dismissed that cop. Bad cop. Very bad'.
    Huh? Is that it? Is that how a cold, ruthless don-to-be, would avenge? Isn't the cop a threat? Varma ji fire the screenwriter and get a real one.

    The background score is very noisy and intrusive. What's with the chant 'Govinda Govinda' Yikes! Varma ji remember Ilayaraja's score in Shiva? As an established player you ought to know that the score is central to your movie's success.

    Conclusion: Buy ear plugs before you watch the movie, or better still stay home and watch TV. It is just a Godfather for dummies all right. And hey after I wrote this, I read the review on rediff. Thank god! For once, someone agrees with me.
    update:And I just heard about this. Oh Freak!
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    7/07/2005

     

    Bomb Blasts Rock London

    At least seven explosions ripped through London today in a series of terrorist strikes leaving dozens feared dead and crippling the capital. [More here]

    Al Queda claims that it was behind this barbarity.
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    Idea: Convert blog to book

    How about a web-based service that allows you to publish your blog as a book?
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    Cheap Political Tricks

    Yesterday, I witnessed the depths to which these political parties will stoop to attain political mileage. At around 1300 hours, I was stuck in a major traffic jam in Malleswaram. I inched forward only to hit upon a boisterous mob that was the cause of the traffic jam. They were escorted by the cops. I don't know who granted the permission for BJP to throw life out of gear for us. That's all right, I can live with that. What shocked me was the way the BJP-hired mob was playing drums and dancing! It was unequivocal proof that BJP has been waiting for something like this (Ayodhya incident) to happen; so that it can make the most of it. These guys are shameless I tell you. I have my doubts about the so called 'terrorists'. I think it is a major conspiracy. How else do you explain a bunch of young men dancing, and holding up the traffic? These guys were celebrating the bomb attack on Ayodhya and they are the sentinel that is going to guard Hindus? Give me a break. Now, one can argue that the frontline volunteer may not be educated so may not realize the effects of their actions. True, what about the leaders? Shouldn't they warn or guide their party members?

    The second thing that shocked me: The BJP mob was bursting crackers in a silent zone, a place which hosts a hospital. And if you want to place the country in the hands of such irresponsible people, think twice. No, I am not a Congress fan. I don't trust any of them. I don't vote man. If someone says 'You have to vote yada yada' All I have to say is I have the right not to vote. Let's leave it at that.

    By the way, the UP police are still struggling to establish the identities of the terrorists that attacked the temple. Sigh! Why am I not surprised?
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    7/05/2005

     

    Batman Ends

    If you are a Batman fan press alt + F4 on your keyboard.

    I normally don't write about movies. I am very opinionated and it does not appeal to the sensibilities of the intellectuals (ha ha) around me. As I was telling a friend today, I go to a movie to lighten up, have a good laugh, and get in the mood for a couple of beers. I don't watch movies like an art lover appreciates art in a stupid piece of cloth sprayed with paint by a mad ***k in his stoned state. No sir. I don't do that. I hazard an assumption here that most people are like me when it comes to movies.
    Well, Batman Begins is one of those movies that makes you think a lot, for you have a lot of time at your disposal as the movie chugs on: frame after frame of bland storytelling. We just sat there, munching on the popcorn and cracking silly jokes, waiting for the movie to end. There are a zillion reviews out there, so I am not going into the details of the movie. I am going to restrict this post to the most annoying parts of the movie.
    1) Editing: I don't know what this technique is known as but it sure is very irritating. The fight sequences especially; they are abrupt and incomplete, as if, the editor pieced it all up, standing, controlling his urge to go take a leak. The scenes just don't patch up. OK, now, if you call it stylized film making, well, screw you monkey boy.
    2) The lines: 'It is not what you are beneath that defines you. It is what you do.' To conquer fear you must become fear' You get the idea don't you? It was like being face to face with a blabbering, big mouth with a serious case of bad breath.
    It feels as though there's more dialogue in Batman Begins than in its four predecessors combined, which would be forgivable if its characters spoke with each other, as they do in Sam Raimi's heroic Spider-Man 2, rather than at each other. But instead they deliver dreary and redundant fortune-cookie aphorisms about guilt, fear, justice and vengeance that sound deep ("To conquer fear you must become fear") but never climb out of the shallow end. Only when Michael Caine, as trusty butler Alfred, and Morgan Freeman, as Bruce's weapons outfitter Lucius Fox, appear does the movie at all feel warm to the touch. They're old pros at keeping a straight face as the scenery, and the rest of the movie, collapses around them. Gary Oldman, too, as young Lieutenant Jim Gordon, is perfectly cast; he looks as though he was lifted from the pages of Frank Miller's Batman: Year One comic. [More on Dallas Observer]

    Update:
    ...what a pity the screenplay is so appallingly sophomoric (replete with ugly, wrong-headed social themes) and the dialogue so irredeemably platitudinous (“I seek the means…to fight injustice”; “What chance does Gotham have, when the good people do nothing?”; “Why do we fall, sir? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up.”).[Source: unknown; I got it via e-mail]
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    MIT Survey

    Take the MIT Weblog Survey
    Take it I say!
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    Busy

    Hence no posts. I'll leave you with a question though: What do you do when a moron honks from behind, knowing that it is a red light and that you can't move an inch forward? Jabbing a finger at the moron is a traditional response... hmm?
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    7/01/2005

     

    Because it is tradition

    The bar owner managed to smile at the two cops that appeared out of nowhere. The senior cop mumbled something to the bar owner. The junior nodded vigorously. In a blink of an eye, a hundred rupees changed hands; from the cash counter to the junior cop's eager palm. The bum that somehow had collected money for yet another drink was watching it from behind the corner. I saw fear in the bum's eyes.
    The senior cop, not satisfied, pulled out a pack of smokes from the counter, lit one, and dumped the pack on the counter. As he blew the smoke through his nostrils, and his salt n pepper, thick, curved, moustache, he mumbled another warning and walked off.
    I asked the bar owner, 'I am sure you have the license to run this place?' He nodded 'yes'.
    'Then why bribe?' I asked. I knew why he paid them but I was curious what his take was.

    He said 'Because it is tradition.'
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    Why?

    Why do educated, intelligent people let their mobile phones ring in meetings, movie halls, concerts, and hospitals?
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