Bangalore Theater: Closer

A Black Coffee production, organized by Alliance Francaise, Closer, by Patrick Marber, is a play about two couples and how their lives are entwined into knots of betrayal, agony, lust, and the big bad word - love. I am not going to review the play don't you worry. Come back and sit down; there are enough reviews around. I am going to talk about the theater circles and the audiences that watch plays. When I settled down in one of those plastic chairs in that hot and humid hall, along with Anita and friends, little did I suspect that the play was going to test my hipness quotient. Marber's play explores modern relationships and profanity is but a part of such a venture one would think in retrospect. The lines are punctuated by 'f***' s and 'c**t's and guess what, they discuss pretty graphic things, oh boy, oh yes did they make me sit up or what. It made quite a few people squirm in the auditorium. I was stunned too. On one hand, we have a government that competes for the gold in the stupidity Olympics, what with the ban on dancing, ban on on-screen smoking, ban on lottery, ban on dance bars... and, on the other we were watching a play where the characters acted as excellent teachers of porn, positions, and post-coital analysis. You know, I am not one to whine about profanity and bad words. I can't live without the F word myself. My only angst is that the director, whoever (s)he is, focused a little bit extra on the profanity so much so that it stood out like a whore in the church; like Saurav at the crease. I was intrigued by this brilliant play and at once I am wondering 'this is like gifting me a Louis Philippe shirt and smacking me with a bucket of shit when I wear it'. That is exactly how I felt.
The funny part was, people were not willing to admit 'hey that was shit.' I did, but no one cared that's another story. But I could overhear people talking: This one cautiously asks the other, 'What do you think about the play'? 'I think it sucked.' And this one goes in utter joy, 'Yeaa! Me too!' and adds a sigh of relief that reminded of those steam engines farting.
Back to the play: Darius, the popular RJ, played Dan, the talentless writer whose job is write obituaries. Darius, take my advice, stick to Rjing. You can act like Saurav can bat. Listen to me sister, drop the actor hat and stick to the radio. The girls were great. They always are, aren't they. We men, I tell you. The other guy, despite the heavy Madarasi accent, actually did a great job. He made us laugh. See what I mean Darius? Drama is not when the actors cry. Drama is when the audience cries.
That said, tell you what Bob, I don't know anything about acting or this play stuff. But, I can spot a good one when I see one. I really can't make up my mind about this Black Coffee production though.
Hmmm?
Naaaaah.
It was shit.

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The ghosts of Taliban (and more)

The Haryana government says women can't work late nights in call centers.
The moral police make a thundering come back in Chennai. They make actor Khushbu offer an apology over her comments on pre-marital sex. And, then a cheap Tamil newspaper gate crashes and shoots pictures party people and publishes it. They cry foul on women drinking and people kissing. But the guardians of the Tamilian morality are okay about Yana dancing in skimpy clothes in Tamil movies. They are okay with their magazines like Kungumam, Vikatan and Kumudham allotting a lot of space for pictures of sexy women.
And, the politicians in Bangalore ban dancing (no, not dance bars but people dancing anywhere):
"DJs have been prevented from playing music at nightspots as they incite people to dance. Night clubs have been told to play classical music, so people do not dance," says Biswas. [link]
The left decides to screw the country with another bandh.

I suspect that ghosts of the Taliban have possessed our politicians and cops. What we need now, my friends, is ghost busters. I wonder how do the cops manage time? Between raping unsuspecting women and lock up deaths, how are they able to so efficiently safe guard the society from such perils like um let's see, dancing? Women drinking? Woman talking to a magazine about sex?
I like such news you know. It at least keeps you off the bunch of jokers in the Indian cricket board and of course the evergreen Saurav. And, the moron from Punjab, Bhaji.
So step back and look at ourselves: we are screwed by our cricketers, by our movie makers, by our cops, by our governments over and over. And, it is getting better (the ban on on-screen smoking for one). So, I tell you what. They are bored. No matter what they do to us, we just don't utter a single word and stand up to them. We just bend there and get raped. Let's continue doing that. I am sure our Cricketers, movie makers and politicians will be bored soon and will unleash new stuff. That should be fun. You know what I am talking about? Stuff like, burkhas for women, mandatory beards for men and so on. Shhh keep quiet I told you. You just might make this country better if you opened your mouth.

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New MBBS curriculum on its way

Apart from allopathy, doctors coming from medical schools are likely to prescribe a herbal dose, too�a new MBBS curriculum integrating modern and traditional practices is on its way.[Via IndianExpress]

I am sure doctors will jump with joy at this development. What next? Integrating grand ma cures (like 'kashayam') as part of the system?

"Our traditional medicinal system is time-tested. In the new curriculum, diagnostic science would be given more priority,"� said the Minister.[Via IndianExpress]

Time-tested? Now, I don't know the merits (or the lack of them thereof) of our so called systems because our great forefathers, being the lazy asses they were, never bothered to document them. Also, I personally think that our systems rely on trial and error (and word of mouth). While it feels nice to have our own systems, I think it is too early to induct them into mainstream.

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Fashion is like...

'Fashion is like boyfriends. Changes every season.' Screams a hoarding. I noticed it on the ride back from work. The caption is complemented by a visual of a girl walking by a trash can, dumping a piece of paper. Well done Globus. You have appealed to the sensibilities of all the brothers out there, licking their wounds and wallowing in self-pity and getting sloshed on cheap rum, about how that girl walked out of that door for that dude with the Skoda and spiked hair. Thank you very much.

Here is the deal anyway. We shall urge the men's clothing guys to come up with better campaigns to counter this assault on our brothers' love lives. Here are some captions to start with:
1) This one is for that blue jeans that we boys love: 'Fashion is like girl friends. It sucks.' Okay, not good? Fair enough.
2) Khaki trousers: 'Get a head' Or better still 'Get a head. Every day.' I am sure the DPS boys will love this one.
3) Jeans (let's give it one more try): 'Get laid.' —Um, no— 'Get laid back'? Throw in a visual of a queue of those bombshells waiting out side the guy's door. The guy in jeans is sprawled on the couch. With three other bombshells by his side.
4) We could try some 'attitude' selling too. This one is for the cargos. 'How can you tell if she liked it?' 'Who cares!' (some fitness center is doing some nonsense like this, no?)

Please don't let virgins write ads. Please! If one more guy tells me 'sex sells!?' I am going to make him watch Salaam Namaste. Four times in a day. And ask that terrible, terrible question 'Who is prettier? Preity or Saif?' Oh, by the way, I liked the first half of that movie. They compensated by shitting all over the second half. The maternity ward climax deserves the academy award. For vulgarity. And Abhishek (guest role) enthralls us with his utter lack of acting skills and bad timing. Okay, girls, come on I am not commenting on his looks. I am only saying that the man can't act; even at gun point. But guys, tell you what, Arshad Warsi and Javed Jafri are brilliant. They deserve the president's gallantry medal.

[Anamika. This post is dedicated to you. Don't you complain again saying that I don't write happening things.]

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The Bangalore Torpedo

�I mean, the guys got problems.F'rinstance, His son is prettier than his daughter.�
��Goes on the run,surrenders,spends a coupla days in clink,complains of chest pains.(man if my son looked like that,Id get chest pains)and in a brilliant move gets one of his hoodlum pals to threaten the judge to NOT give him bail.So the judge says Oh Yeah,we'll see about that,Mister Pataudi,you are free to go.�
(Read more on this wonderful blog: http://thebangaloretorpedo.blogspot.com/2005/08/pataudi-goes-to-chinatown.html)
The Bangalore Torpedo. If you don�t find that blog funny, I�ll find you a shrink buddy.

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Why you should blog regularly

The answer is that you really need to realize that Google views every page of a Web site as an autonomous entity, so if you have pages that aren't updated for months at a time, they'll only be spidered infrequently, whereas pages that are updated every day or two (e.g., a weblog, etc) can end up being spidered every day.[Via Ask Dave Taylor]

Precisely why companies should take to blogging on their corporate sites.

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Blogsearch by Google?

BoingBoing claims that Google is launching it. And, Google has an FAQ page on it. I don't know how to react: should I be happy that bloggers are getting such special attention OR should I just groan 'Aww no!' You tell me.
Update:By the time this post made it, thanks to my domain name renewal delay, google had launched the search at search.blogger.com

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The Six Dumbest Ideas in Computer Security

One of the best ways to get rid of cockroaches in your kitchen is to scatter bread-crumbs under the stove, right? Wrong! That's a dumb idea. One of the best ways to discourage hacking on the Internet is to give the hackers stock options, buy the books they write about their exploits, take classes on "extreme hacking kung fu" and pay them tens of thousands of dollars to do "penetration tests" against your systems, right? Wrong! "Hacking is Cool" is a really dumb idea.

Find out why and lots more on Marcus Ranum's piece [via Slashdot]
That reminds me of some of the physical and network security measures that some of our famed software services companies adopt:
1) I was not allowed to take my Walkman (yes, yes, those that play only tapes) because it was an 'electronic' item and I didn't have a permit. They had no problems with people walking in with camera phones.
2) You can't carry CDs or Floppy disks. But they provide 2mbps net connections to their employees. [If you are blinking: one can send files to their mail ids for one. Think now.]

I can think of more, but I am curious about what you think. Comment away ahh?

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Aah?

The other day a couple of my colleagues were discussing about the bad habit of adding the �aah� sound while phrasing a question. I don�t know if it is bad; but it sure will give ulcers to the purists.
Take for example how �are you coming with us?� is brutally hacked to a single word question: coming-aah?
Or, the totally new form of exclamation: �Yes-aaah?� that roughly translates to �don�t tell me it is true!�  
Or the usual friendly enquiry �you ate-aah?� that is the equivalent of �did you have your lunch?�
The �aah� sound is widely used�especially in interrogative phrases� in Tamil and Telugu:
�Saapteengalaah?� (Did you eat? - Tamil)
�Varreengalaah?� (Are you going with us? � Tamil)
�Baavunnaaraah?� (How are you? � Telugu)
�Bon-chesaraah?� (Have you eaten? � Telugu)

And we south Indians use the same construction even while conversing in English. I think it is a unique fusion of two different linguistic rhythms. The purists may scoff at it, but I enjoy using it and listening to others use it.
You like it-aah?

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