Which Indian would you like to see deported?

I know it is a dumb question. But The Bangalore Torpedo unearthed this gem from the Outlook Independence day special issue. The journalists, who I am sure possess the IQ of an empty Coke can, asked Bids "Which one Indian would you like to see deported tomorrow for the sake of the country." to which he said " From the point of view of fashion,Id like to say, Sachin Tendulkar,so all the real models out there may get a chance to do some photo campaigns."
If you are still wondering what's the big deal, read the whole piece on Bangalore Torpedo.

Did Outlook hire people from the Slimes lately? Hmmm. But hey not all journalists are morons. I mean, some folks from NDTV are speech-challenged. Don't believe me? Try to watch either Srinivasan Jain or that sports presenter who shakes her head repeatedly without uttering anything sane. It is almost as if something short-circuited in her head and words just won't happen (no, not Sonia, we looovvvvvvvve her).

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October Rain

"Earlier, the highest annual rainfall record was set in 1998 when the City received 1,432.2 mm of rainfall. This year, the figures have already crossed 1435.3 mm. The wettest October title was clinched when Bangalore crossed the recorded high of 522.2 mm set in 1956." [Via SSSB]

'Bangalore Mumbai-ed' screamed the sloppy headline in ToI. What do they smoke I wonder?
Last evening it took me more than two hours to reach home. There were traffic jams all over the place. The incessant rain during the day dealt yet another brutal blow to this beautiful city. News channels made merry though. NDTV desperately tried to make it look like it was Bangalore's end. It is sad to witness such lame publicity stunts just to get a few more viewers hooked. Seriously. I am not saying it was all fine. It was tough. The city probably had to exhaust all its resources in coming to terms with the heavy rain. What I did not like was the way NDTV linked the rains, over-flowing Cauvery, and Tamilnadu to the Cauvery water issue. 'They fought over the release of water, now they don't know what to do with the excess of water.' Ladies and gents, stand up and give it up for NDTV. Why would you want to rake up an old issue? Huh? And, what's with Andhra usurping Bangalore as a 'favored' IT destination? Most journalists don't get it. It is not about the f***ing place. It is the people that make IT what it is. So, stop bitching. It is sadistic, the way the media keeps singing 'Bangalore is going down'. I don't think so, for I know that this is the place that will plant India on the IT product landscape. Not TN. Not AP. I really hope Bangalore gets through this infrastructure mess and rolls on.

Please visit NDTV.com and tell me if you find one item on Bangalore rains. No, you won't find any. Not even on Tamilnadu where 56 are dead. They have moved on. I know how this works. Prannoy in one of those big meetings would have said, 'Riots? Hurricanes? Terrorist attack? People dead? Report it and grab any one of those poor onlookers and get them to say something really sad. And before you do that, say these words "human face" three times.'
When one of those wide-eyed, new-in-the-game, correspondents ask, 'what next?' Prannoy would have probably whispered, 'Move on baby. Find another log to burn.' So much for press being the pillar of democracy. Prannoy, tell your NDTV folks to cover issues and not create issues. And give some speech therapy to that bearded guy, what's his name? Jain? He talks as if he got some marbles in his mouth. Heh.

The traffic cops of Bangalore came to rescue of frantic Bangaloreans scurrying for cover from the rain and the traffic jam. They directed vehicles to less flooded service roads and suggested detours. Hats off guys. Thanks SR for reminding me to write about the cops. [Read more on the traffic cops]

Also see: Google News on 'Bangalore Rains'
(Picture courtesy: Unknown. I got these pics via a mail forward (a PPS file). If you are the owner, let me know. I will credit the pics to your name or if you wish, I will remove them.)

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The Dying Of The Evening Stars

Sonia Faleiro's series on the situation of dance bar girls, post-ban is moving, gripping, sad, and it makes you squirm, especially if you are a man. I am still reeling. Sonia, hats-off. I am sure your work will make a significant contribution in fixing the bar girls' problems. I will say a prayer for that.

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SC to examine use of national anthem in films

"The Supreme Court today said that it will examine whether the national anthem can be commercially exploited in movies.
A bench headed by Chief Justice R C Lahoti said it would also examine if actors in a film should stand up when the national anthem is being sung. " [More on NDTV]
What if an actor plays a character that hates the country? Should (s)he stand up too? I think they should ease up a bit like they did on the flag issue.
Imagine, you are humming the anthem in your shower. Bang! Your bathroom door crashes and commandos jump in and pin you down as your desperately try to reach for a towel. The shower is still hissing on and in walks the captain of the commandos. He says, 'You have the right to remain silent and naked. You are under arrest for humming the anthem.' Scary! Dude.

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Wipro's blog: Dead?

Wipro weblog's domain name has expired I guess. Hmm. Is it a case of one of those 'corporate' initiatives�launched with much fanfare and publicity�ending in a whimper. How can you being Wipro forget to renew your domain name? Beats me. Blogs are personal. If you want to start a corporate weblog, setup the infrastructure, have a blogging policy in place, and leave the rest to your employees. Blogging is democratic and informal. You can't sustain a blog otherwise.

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My own Malgudi

"My advantage, as I soon discovered, was that I found in all his writings my own experiences and environs of childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Malgudi was my own Chittoor of primary school days." said V.N. Narayanan talking about the Malgudi Magic. He also added, "Everything I read in RKN's stories is familiar and dear to me; I have seen them all around me as I grew up. Swami's grandmother was my own grandmother, indeed everyone's grandmother in South India's Brahmin middle-class households and every town is Malgudi."

I wonder, how many great stories have passed me by. How many tales of intrigue, valour, romance, hunger, ambition, love, and what not have I missed telling? Sometimes we take the obvious for granted. Not any more. Watch out for me.

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Poetic Injustice

I am ashamed that I was right. Nimish Adani's case took the obvious turns and finally the accused got away. And, the defendant got screwed over. Nimish Adani withdrew his complaint on the railway officials because they 'treated him like a younger brother and were sorry too'. What happened next is what I had predicted: they made it look like Nimish was in the wrong. Hm. Nimish, you know why you were mugged at the railway station? Because you are naive. Because you did not use your brains. And you know why you didn't get justice? Because you failed to see or sense the dagger they stuck in your butt when they hugged you. You know, I think you are hiding something. That something that made you withdraw your complaint. Hmmm?
Nimish, are you from Delhi? Or Chandigarh? Just checking.

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Arindam Chaudhuri's thoughts on free speech and free markets

Arindam Chauduri in his article �Gandhism Vs Cowboy Bush� said:

During the entire anti Osama campaign it was clearly revealed to the world that alongwith the twin towers of New York the twin pillars of American democracy - freedom of speech and free market both came crashing down. While the NASDAQ crashed, the government showed its respect for freedom of speech by openly manipulating the print and electronic media. Infact the capitalist owned media blatantly printed press releases of the Pentagon as news items... dictatorially censored any opinion which had any sort of protesting tone and thereby became the pravda of the American government. So much for freedom of speech... and the illusion of democracy.

Ironic, isn't it?

And, Mr. AC we would love to know where you studied English. I mean, I was reading your other articles and I was quite stunned by the depth, clarity of thought, and syntax of your writing. Did you take special training in writing? Please share with us how we too can write like that and entertain people.To read Mr. Arindam Chaudhuri's articles
1) Go to http://www.arindamchaudhuri.com/
2) Click Thoughts.

I hope he retains all the articles on his site.    

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How to shoot your own foot online

Any one that browses for more than 3 hours a week will know the power of the blog. And, IIPM folks thought that they could use words like 'sue' 'damages' etc to scare two prominent bloggers. I have been watching this episode of the big corporate trying to screw over an individual that calls a spade a spade (thanks Rajiv for that phrase). I will pontificate more on this later but for now, I thought I should pitch in with a post and help keep the fire burning. Rashmi and Gaurav, rest assured, this issue will only help you guys. Gaurav, quitting your job to save your employer trouble is an exemplary gesture. I pity your ex-employer for losing such a gem over a bunch of laptops and cheap threats.A note to IIPM students: Ogilvy said that good advertising for a bad product kills the product faster. I am sure you don't understand what that means. 'Top ranked term on Technocrati' may not mean anything to you but I know what damage it could inflict. So, happy funeral! You guys have managed to piss off the IIM alumni big time. When you meet them at your interviews (oh yes, they are all over the place) you'll find out what shooting one's own foot is all about. Now, I have pissed you off. Please feel free to leave stupid comments here. But, if you really think you are on the side of the truth, leave your real first names. Or at least some imaginative false names.Update:Mainstream media wakes up. NDTV's coverage of the IIPM fiasco. Har har! The sh*t has hit the fan. All the best Mr.AC.    
Update 1: Express picks up the story

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The Director's Cut

Rajeev, director of the play Closer left a comment on my post that reviewed the play:

hi suman, i directed the play you seem to have vehemently hated and i welcome your comments whole-heartedly. As for the play being a display of profanity and sexual dialogue, i have to disagree. Closer is brutally honest, and seeks to put words to the feelings of temptation and forbidden lust that we all experience. The playwright chooses to do this with abject forthrightness and this is bound to ruffle feathers. I gather from your piece that you don't agree with the iron-fisted (and iron-headed) censorship policies of the government that these days infringe upon our lifestyles and not just the media. Then how is it you criticise a playwright for choosing not to pussy around and call a spade a spade. I also find amusing, and contradictory, your calling the actors excellent teachers of porn, positions, and post-coital analysis. Coming to the quality of the production, I join you in criticising it. I don't believe it hit the right note ever and that's something we'll correct in the next showing. Your comments on Darius will be relayed to him though there is little there for an actor to learn. Saurav can bat, he's off-colour these days. Criticisms come with the turf and as theatre practitioners, we crave feedback from audiences whether raves or rants. I'd request you to keep your comments on actors restricted to their performances, it's constructive and is good for the system. As for being put off by the language and the subject matter, I suggest you take the warnings in our posters a lot more seriously! Cheerio. Ps. I'm directing a play for the Bangalore Habba. I'd like to warn you, it is also a provocative piece of what I call honest, forthright writing. This time though I'll make sure the performances won't let anyone down. Ps 2. Would love to hear from your other friends who disliked Closer.

He wants feedback from others. If you watched the play please leave a comment here on what you thought. He wants feedback.

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Why is this news?

Sachin makes a come-back. And, they are hollering away about it on TV. Disgusting. What next? Saurav decides to play for the women's team? (only if they promise him they won't bowl short ones to his ribs that is). People, take a break. Ignore Cricket. Look at that awesome girl called Sania. Give it up for her. You know, I think Sania should offer a crash course in attitude to our men in blue; probably that's the only way they will overcome their climax problems. I mean we keep losing all finals. Hm?

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South Asia Earthquake Relief

More than 30,000 people were killed by this weekend's powerful earthquake centred below the Hindu Kush mountain range in Pakistan, sending shockwaves across south Asia and reducing cities and villages to rubble...[More on Guardian]
Relief agencies, volunteers, and individuals looking for information: TheSEA EAT folks are back for the South Asia Earthquake Relief at South Asia Quake Help. Way to go folks.

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Bangalore Railway Station: Beware!

According to Nimish Adani he was mugged by a TT and some RPF personnel. The point is it could have happened to any one of us, any where in India. Sorry Nimish but I have little hope that the culprits will be punished. We know how it all works.
So, dear reader, here is a list of things that you should NOT doare some guidelines for safety:

1) Don't wear your office ID card once you get out of work. I know people who wear it just to show off that they work for Reuters or Infy or some big name. You wear the card, these putrid, shit faces, that are after your money, will know that you are a sitting duck.

2) Don't sit with your goddamn laptop in public (coffee shops etc). We know how much work you do at office, so stop fooling yourself. Trust me there are better ways to tell girls that you are desperate and looking.

3) When RPF guys are going to loot you, well, there's nothing much you can do for self-defense. I mean you touch them, they will show you your Spleen. Get it? BUT sign up for Karate classes anyway.

4) Don't try to be a hero: By this I mean, when you are taking a train to your village in interior Arunachal Pradesh that discovered electricity 3 weeks back, don't carry your laptop, PDA, iPod etc. I mean that is like a TV campaign for mugging you. And who do you think you'll impress on that train? The canteen guys that make beggars give them BJs? Get real brother.

5) When visiting police stations, go with a friend or better still a group of friends.

6) Don't talk to strangers. Your mom was right. Because when talking to strangers, most of us have this insane tendency to boast. I know SSC-failed guys that gas to strangers: 'Well, I am an MBA, I handle south-east Asia.' Talking like that is an invitation, 'Come mug me daddy!'

7) Know your rights. I know it is not going to help you in our repressed society, but still, when you know you are clean and clear you will not go down so easily. Question for you: What will you do if a traffic cop threatens you with arrest for not having the emission check certificate for you car?

8) Be street-smart: Say, if the same TT tries to mug you, 'What if I told you that you never produced the platform ticket?' You should probably say something like, 'What if I told you that you that my uncle is a commissioner?' He could be a commissioner of poultry development all right. Try it. I am not saying it is going to work. But what the heck, don't just bend over and let them loot you. Stand up in your own little, smart ways.

9) Start blogging. Join mail lists. Build your social network. That is why Nimish is getting some support today.
Update: The Railways suspended Four RPF officers and two TTEs on 5 Oct 2005. Times and Deccan Herald have published the story:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1253489.cms
http://www.deccanherald.com/deccanherald/oct52005/index2042432005104.asp
NDTV reported about the issue on TV.
I suspect that I may have to eat my words back. Nimish, it seems, is going to get justice, if not in full, at least in part. Looks like we have hope fellow citizens.

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Formula for Coca Cola Leaked Online?

We always worried that nuclear bomb-making would make its way to the �Net, but who knew that the biggest leak would be America�s most guarded secret: the formula for Coca Cola? Fake or inevitable? [Read More]
(via LockerGnome)

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